Stephanie N.
Photo provided by Stephanie N.
If you’re reading this, I hope you are finding ways to stay connected to yourself in the middle of everything medicine asks of you.
I didn’t always know how to do that. For most of my life, achievement and performance were so tightly connected to how I saw myself that I didn’t question it.
I thought being “successful” meant constantly doing more, proving more, and becoming more efficient at pushing through. Over time, I came to realize that this way of moving through the world makes it very easy to lose sight of who you are outside of what you produce.
I learned the importance of this during my gap years, when I finally had space to step outside of structured academics and begin to understand who I was without grades, timelines, or constant evaluation. I never fully understood what people meant when they talked about “finding yourself” or having an identity outside of school. But in that time, I began to experience what it meant in a very real way. I started to notice what I enjoyed, what restored me, and what parts of life made me feel grounded instead of measured.
It was a formative experience, not because I reinvented myself, but because I slowly learned that I already existed outside of achievement. I learned what my hobbies were without attaching them to productivity. I learned how it feels to move through life without constantly translating every experience into something that needed to be optimized or accomplished.
That lesson has stayed with me in medicine.
Some of the ways I cope now seem simple, but they are intentional. I try to consistently “fill my cup” outside of medicine, especially when I feel like I don’t have time. And that comes with recognizing it’s just as important to consistently aim to show up for yourself, as you always have tried to show up for your academics along this journey.
My long runs in central park help me clear my mind and return to myself. Cycling and exploring new yoga studios have provided a space for me to slow down and reconnect with my body (shout out to Class Pass!). Even when an exam is approaching and everything in me wants to sacrifice these things, I try to keep showing up for them, because I’ve learned those are often the moments I need them most. And moments that will restore me and fuel me to keep going.
I also protect time for the people who keep me grounded. I FaceTime my family every week, no matter how busy things feel. I make time for a weekly date night with my boyfriend and get lunch with my friends. These are not “extra” parts of my life; they are part of what makes me feel human in the middle of training that can easily narrow your world.
What I am learning, slowly, is how to incorporate medicine into my life rather than making my life medicine. There is a constant pressure in training to postpone living until the next milestone. It’s not after the next exam, after the rotation, or after residency. Life is not waiting for us on the other side of training. It is happening now!
And I’ve come to understand that this is not separate from becoming a good physician. Taking care of myself is part of learning how to take care of others. The steadiness I build through movement, the grounding I get from relationships, and the practices that help me feel like myself all shape how I will show up for my patients one day.
If there is anything I hope someone reading this takes away, it is that you do not have to wait until training is over to start learning how to live a life that brings you joy and show up for yourself each day. You do not have to earn rest, connection, or happiness by first surviving medicine. Those things are what make it possible to survive and to remain whole while doing it.
Medicine is something you do. It is not all that you are.
Stephanie N., First Year Medical Student
Several studies have revealed that medical students, physicians, and healthcare professionals experience mental health symptoms at rates significantly higher than the general population. Stethos[Cope] is a chapter of IfYoureReadingThis designed to help medical students and professionals cope with the unique stressors of medical training and change the narrative of mental health in medicine.
To read more letters and interviews from students, and to learn more about mental health in the medical community, visit the Stethos[Cope] home page.