Giovanni B.
Photography by Catherine White.
If you’re reading this, your shine is so special; own it and don’t take it for granted.
Life is hard.
No matter what background you come from, you end up facing your own unique struggle that affects your life in ways that not everyone you get to know will be able to understand. Whether it is the way you look, the way you sound, tensions in your family, etc. You progress through life trying to put puzzle pieces together as you look to understand what this bigger picture of yourself really is. Additionally, you attend the University of Virginia, a school where the majority of students are drowning in assignments and papers that eat up a lot of their time. You fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others based on what you see, and you end up spiraling, devaluing your self-worth, and getting into the state of mind that you are not good enough, that you will never be good enough.
All of this is to say that your possible feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, and/or despair are so justifiable. Taking all of these things into account, that is so much to have on your plate as a single person, and attempting to grapple with everyone all at once can cause so much stress that it actively makes life harder every day. It is this fact that makes taking care of oneself all the more vital, as well as ensuring that other people are not dictating how you are feeling.
Using myself as an example, after experiencing a first year in college that was rough in almost every aspect imaginable, I tried to make a lot of changes in how I interacted with others. Part of this was that I felt the necessity to give others every bit of my heart that was available, as I saw this as the only way that I would be able to make friends and develop the deep connections with people that I longed for. However, I failed to realize that caring so much for other people would end up stretching me out thin emotionally, and thus I would not have enough energy to look after myself in the end. Additionally, I started to realize that a lot of the time and energy I was devoting to other people was very one-sided, as I would not be getting anything back that warranted everything I was giving. I would let others dictate how I was supposed to feel, and it made me lose my sense of autonomy in who I was, and it left me in various scenarios thinking, “How would this person feel?” without giving myself the grace to actually feel.
It was in this manner that I experienced a fallout with someone who meant a lot to me in the beginning of fourth year, and this was what really did me in. I was a mess of a man. I was so embarrassed with myself. Why was I tormenting myself by picking up all of these burdens that did not even require me to begin? What was I really gaining from any of this?
I gave myself some time to ponder about this precarious situation I was in, and I finally figured it out. There is nothing wrong with giving someone your time and energy if you genuinely care about something. However, one should recognize the value that they bring with this and thus see that not every single person in the world deserves what you bring, and that’s completely okay. Instead, one should divert their energy towards those who accept you, who appreciate you, who see you for the light that you are, and who will not make you question if you are anything less than that.
At some point in the future, you are going to encounter people who will try their best to make you feel like you are not good enough, and while it can be so tempting to give in, it is also paramount that you do not let this happen. YOU are a beacon of light that is capable of so much, YOU brighten people’s days in ways you don’t even realize, YOU have a shine that is unique to you and irreplaceable. So please don’t be afraid to own it. And don’t forget to feel what you want to feel. Take ownership of that and do it on your own accord. Life is already so hard, given your own unique hardships accompanied by what goes on in the current administration, so please don’t make it any harder by restricting your ability to feel.
You offer so much to so many people that it would be such a shame if you took it for granted. You are so, so loved, and I hope you take it easy on yourself in whatever way you can.
Giovanni B., University of Virginia
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