Shrishti G.
Photo provided by Shrishti G.
If you’re reading this, let your love be greater than your fear.
Before getting into medical school, my mind was filled with endless doubt. Was I making the right choice signing up for the MCAT? Taking a gap year? Choosing medicine at all? It was the only thing I could see myself doing, yet I still remember filling out secondaries and sitting down to write essays about why I was qualified for medical school or what made me stand out — and instead, I questioned myself. Was this all going to work out, or was I wasting my time?
Much of that doubt came from outside influences — watching people around me who were pre-med decide to change paths throughout college, hearing family members ask, “Are you sure you want to do this?”, or being questioned about how I would survive medical school if I was scared of bugs. Over time, these observations and comments planted a fear in me that I simply wasn’t cut out for this path.
But every time I was reminded of my “why” through interactions with patients, something shifted. I realized I had to learn how to block out the noise and let my love for serving others be greater than my fear. When I did, I felt grounded again — reminding myself that if there is a will, there is always a way.
In medical school, my confidence has fluctuated more than ever. Sometimes exam grades make me feel proud, while other times — especially leading up to exams — I feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information and the constant pressure not to fail. It often feels cyclical: moments of reassurance followed by waves of doubt. Even worse, when one doubtful thought leads to another, my thoughts spiral toward the future, questioning whether I will make it to graduation and ultimately match into residency.
For a long time, I was frustrated with myself for feeling this way. Eventually, I realized that resilience doesn’t always look like confidence. Sometimes, it looks like showing up anyway. It looks like continuing to move forward even when uncertainty lingers. It means pushing yourself back up even when you think something isn’t doable — because it is if you want it that badly. I’ve learned that it’s not uncertainty that guides me, but the end goal I want to reach. It’s not the outside voices that shape my path, but my inner voice. At the end of the day, it is you against you.
I know many of you have felt these same emotions or had similar thoughts. Be reminded that you deserve to be exactly where you are in your journey to becoming a doctor. Don’t let outside influence confuse you, belittle you, or make you question your worth — ever. There is a reason you chose medicine. Not everyone has that passion. Take that passion and turn it into reality by trying your best every day. Appreciate the small wins because they matter more than you think. Use those small wins, those experiences, and those patient stories to remind yourself that you were meant to heal, you were meant to care, and you were meant to serve.
If you’re reading this and questioning yourself, know that doubt does not mean you don’t belong. Let your “why” guide you. Let your love be louder than your fear. Showing up — even imperfectly — is its own form of strength. And that strength is what will bring you to the finish line.
With Care,
Shrishti Gupta, First Year Medical Student
Several studies have revealed that medical students, physicians, and healthcare professionals experience mental health symptoms at rates significantly higher than the general population. Stethos[Cope] is a chapter of IfYoureReadingThis designed to help medical students and professionals cope with the unique stressors of medical training and change the narrative of mental health in medicine.
To read more letters and interviews from students, and to learn more about mental health in the medical community, visit the Stethos[Cope] home page.