Olivia R.
If you’re reading this, it’s in your hands.
Growing up, I was always a reasonably healthy kid. I never had significant health struggles, sure I got a cold here and there, maybe the flu or a stomach bug, but no more than your average child. That continued into middle and high school, until my freshman year of college.
During winter break of my freshman year, I got mono. No biggie, we thought at the time, everyone gets mono, and I was thankfully at home, so I was able to be nursed back to health by my parents in time to get back to school for recruitment. By the time I headed back to school in January, my initial symptoms were gone, and I just had to work through the fatigue, which was normal. I thought I was in the clear.
I had no idea that the mono had triggered something in my body. I started to get strep throat, A LOT. For the next year and a half, I would get strep, go on antibiotics, get off antibiotics, and catch it again. Anytime I had a long night out, shared a cup, kissed someone, anything, I would get strep. Fevers, fatigue, trouble breathing, and swallowing became my new normal. I forgot what it felt like to feel good.
Come sophomore year, I moved into my sorority house. I watched all the people around me have the time of their lives, and I tried desperately to keep up, not wanting to miss out. But a lot of the time, my body could not take it. I couldn't make it a full day without falling asleep. I was exhausted, eating poorly, and not moving my body the way I should. I became a ball of anxiety and sadness; everything felt out of my control, and I felt like I wasn't able to connect with people the way the rest of the girls could. Being a very social girl, constantly feeling like I was falling behind in my friendships was like torture.
Worst of all for me, I no longer recognized the girl I saw in the mirror. The combination of the exhaustion that kept me from being active and the effect of constant antibiotic use on my metabolism caused me to gain a significant amount of weight. If I did have the energy to go out, I didn't want to be seen. I was so ashamed of myself and the way I looked, and felt like there was no way to fix it, that this was just going to be how I felt and looked from now on.
Coming home at the end of my sophomore year, I knew something bigger was wrong, and that something had to change. I refused to live like this anymore. I got blood work, went to an ENT, nutritionist, gastroenterologist, you name it. I had to find a solution. Through conversations with my doctors, we determined that the consistent antibiotic use had given me a stomach condition, disrupting my metabolism. After also learning of my gluten intolerance, I spent the rest of the summer basically obsessed with my health. I entirely changed my diet, the biggest change being going gluten-free. With no pressure to go out and no class like I had at school, I was able to focus the little energy I had into moving my body and taking care of myself.
Slowly but surely, I was starting to feel better. My stomach was healing, the weight was starting to come off, and I had more energy. However, one piece was left – I was still getting strep. My family and I decided that it was the best choice for me to get my tonsils removed.
On August 8th, 2024, I got my tonsils and adenoids removed. Healing was truly as bad, if not worse than they say it is, but I would do it a million times over. It improved my quality of life exponentially. That was the last piece of the puzzle to me being able to come back to school like myself again.
Being a little over a year chronic illness-free, I have entirely changed my life. I wake up every day grateful for my health. I feel more grateful for the daily things I am able to enjoy without discomfort and exhaustion. Even the small things like enjoying a night out with my friends truly feels like a gift. I recognize the girl I see in the mirror again; I feel like me.
The biggest lesson I learned through all of this was that it was far more in my control than I ever imagined. In the thick of a struggle, it is easy to feel helpless, like everything is out of your hands. I thought for the longest time that was just the life I was going to have to live. But things only got better when I had the determination to make it happen for myself. No one is going to do it for you, especially if you wouldn't do it for yourself. You never know when something will change. I never had serious health issues until I was 19. Some things are out of your control, but trusting your gut when you know something is wrong and working hard for yourself are two things that will always be in your hands.
Olivia R., Syracuse University
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at Syracuse on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Syracuse students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
AUTHOR CONTACT
This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.
