Sydney R.
Photography by Cat White
If you’re reading this,
struggling does not make you a failure.
On the journey to attending the University of Virginia, we are taught to excel and exceed expectations. But, what happens when you don’t get a 4.0, but instead, you get a diagnosis?
As I was moving into my dorm in Charlottesville, I felt lost. Sure, I got into my dream school. But getting there took just about every last bit of myself. The diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I spent much of my senior year of high school sitting in waiting rooms, going home sick, or not making it to school at all. Naturally, many things in my life suffered, including grades. The once impressive student was now failing. Wrong. The once thriving student was now struggling.
My first year at UVA was filled with some of the best times, but also some of the most hopeless moments. I quickly realized that college isn’t a hub built to perfectly accommodate people who experience mental health challenges on a daily basis. I didn’t get the grades I wanted. I was constantly sick because of various medication changes. Going to class felt impossible, even debilitating. Friends had to talk me down during some of my most frightening evenings.
Time helps, but often, change is slow.
I can attest that things will get better, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.
Struggling can make you feel weak and powerless. But for those who struggle, we are only becoming more resilient. When it seems something just isn’t working no matter how hard you try, maybe it’s time to take a different route. Take more time to rest. Drop the class that is sucking the life right out of you. Pray for strength and guidance. Tell the people around you how you are feeling. Give yourself some grace. No one taught you how to navigate college, or life, with depression and anxiety (insert struggle here).
If you think you’re a failure, you need to edit your definition. Sure, you may not be where you want to be right now, but this is a growing process. Don’t rush it. Failing is more closely associated with giving up than it is with not achieving a goal. Don’t look that up, just trust me. Some things are simply out of our control, so focus on what you can control. Be kinder to yourself, because you will make it. You will have a beautiful life, even if it doesn’t look exactly how you pictured it.
I pray that my peers who are struggling may find the hope to keep fighting. If you’re reading this, sometimes you may need a helping hand, but struggling will never make you a failure.
Sydney R., University of Virginia
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