Minahil A.

Photo provided by Minahil A.

If you’re reading this, I want you to know one thing above all else: you are not alone.

I am a third-year medical student, and while I may wear a white coat now, there were many moments where I sat in despair, convinced that my journey was over. I want to tell you about how I got through it, because if I can survive this, so can you.

My journey has been anchored by my faith. Whenever I felt like I was losing it, I turned to Allah for reminders. When I sat in despair, I held onto Quran 94:6, "Surely with hardship comes ease." When I wanted to complain about my suffering, I remembered Quran 3:146, "And Allah loves the patient." And in those darkest moments, when the pressure felt physically crushing, I found comfort in Quran 2:286: "Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear." These weren’t just verses to me; they were the lifeline that kept me afloat.

But Allah also sent me aid in human form. My medical school journey coincided with a terrifying time for my family. Just as I started school, my mother fell ill. It began with high calcium levels, then a scare of cancer, then a diagnosis of sarcoidosis, and finally, congestive heart failure.

I went from being a carefree student to someone who never took their phone off loud mode. Every ring made my heart stop – I was terrified it was "the call." She was hospitalized with an acute exacerbation the day before my Step exam. I wanted to crumble. But I pushed through, telling myself that what would heal her most was seeing her daughter fighting to be a better doctor. Alhadulillah, she received a heart transplant a month ago, but navigating school while my heart was thousands of miles away with her was the hardest thing I have ever done. While I acknowledge this struggle, I also must acknowledge how strong it made me. I don’t know your story but just take a moment and think that given all the craziness life has thrown your way, you should pause and give yourself credit for being unbreakable.

I survived because I had a "village." I had my parents, my sisters, my brother, and my new niece who is my whole world. I had the memory of the shine in my Dada’s eyes seeing me in my white coat. I had my little sister Aisha making lists of things to buy with my future "doctor money," and Mahrukh sending me Instagram reels manifesting that I’d be the best doctor. I had Meeha, who intuitively knew when to text me. Azqa, Afshan and Aleeza listening to me continuously have crash outs over how I don’t know how cell biology works and Azqa sending me that “best of luck” text before each and every single exam and that “how did it go” after I was done with it. Hamnah constantly checking in on me from thousands of miles away and even her mom sending me prayers all the time. My cousins who give me unconditional love and support and always always always there for me. Above all, ALL OF THESE PEOPLE CONSTANTLY TELLING ME HOW PROUD ARE THEY OF ME. 

I also had the family I found here. Dania, my roommate turned sister, whom I love so much, who brings me even closer to ALLAH and gives me the comfort of saying anything unfiltered. Sandi, my twin flame, who gave me tough love when I needed to focus and unconditional love when I needed to cry. Harish, who brought calm to the chaos, I will never forget him waiting to check his own grades until he helped me check mine, just so he could be there to pick up the pieces if I did badly. Zoha, my smarty pants, who locked herself in a room with me for 9 hours to force-feed me transcription and translation when I couldn’t do it alone. Nabeeha, the “cool girl” who became my bestie, my all-nighter buddy on zoom, my ray of sunshine; Aneesha, whose kind soul lifted me up always; Ilsa, whose smile was contagious and always lit up the room she was in; and of course my little brother Michael, whose intelligence helped guide me and how can I forget his little movie nights. And I cannot forget Aloo, my cat, who is currently lying on my desk as I write this. He listened to me yap and gave me cuddles when I sobbed in bed.

I mention all these people because when you are drowning, you must reach out.

There was a time I failed my skin and musculoskeletal class. I truly thought my world had ended. I wanted to give up on everything but my friends wouldn't let me. After passing, I realized that setbacks are just plot twists, not the end of the story. In Islam, despair is not allowed; we must trust His plan for us for He is the best of planners.

There was another time I was too terrified to even sign up for my board exams (COMLEX and Step). I was paralyzed by the fear of failing and being held back. I bottled it up until I broke down in my friend’s apartment. Three of them held my hand literally while I clicked the button to sign up. We all were in it together, we freaked out together, but we did it TOGETHER. And Alhamdulillah, we all passed on the first try.

However, while my village was essential, I have to say that IT WAS ME, MYSELF who got me through it as well, and I want you to offer yourself that same grace. Be proud of the small victories: getting out of bed when the blankets feel like the only safe space, fueling your body, or cleaning your room when you feel drained but more importantly, be proud of the days where all you can do is exist. Being a human, especially a medical student, is incredibly hard, and on the days where you feel like you can’t do anything but breathe, know that choosing to stay and see another sunset is an act of immense courage. Only you have been with you through the loneliness and the turmoil, sticking by your own side even on days when you didn't want to be there, and that makes you a warrior. You are here, you are important, and I am so proud of you for that.

Now, as I navigate clinical rotations, I am learning a new lesson: Surrender. I used to stress about the constantly changing environments and preceptor schedules. I asked myself, can I change this? The answer was no. So, I learned to let go. You have to give yourself grace. You cannot control everything, and you cannot do it all, all the time.

If you are struggling today, look around you. Find the people who bring you joy. Trust in your resilience, and trust in God’s plan. You have survived 100% of your bad days so far, and you will survive this one too. If no one has said this to you today, I want you to know that I am proud of you and I believe in each and everyone of us!

With love and prayers,

Minahil A., Third Year Medical Student

Several studies have revealed that medical students, physicians, and healthcare professionals experience mental health symptoms at rates significantly higher than the general population. Stethos[Cope] is a chapter of IfYoureReadingThis designed to help medical students and professionals cope with the unique stressors of medical training and change the narrative of mental health in medicine.

To read more letters and interviews from students, and to learn more about mental health in the medical community, visit the Stethos[Cope] home page.