Mia W.
If you’re reading this, you can always find a reason.
The following contains discussions of self-harm, suicide, and eating disorders; viewer discretion is advised.
Depression hit me hard during my senior year of high school. While I had always felt a little depressed throughout middle school, I never thought anything of it. When I was in 8th grade, my best friend died by suicide. I did not understand the feeling she must have felt, that everything would be better if she weren’t here anymore.
During my junior year, I knew I needed a change. I needed to get my act together and get my grades up so I could get into a “good college.” School has always been hard for me, so trying to become a perfect student seemed impossible. I felt pressure because my parents were both very good students, who went to Ivy League colleges for undergrad and graduate school.
Fast forward to senior year, I developed an eating disorder and was told that if I didn't get help, I would die. I didn't really care what my doctors were saying; I didn't think I was unhealthy looking. I started to self-harm because I felt like my life was over, and nobody would understand.
The thought of telling my parents what I was going through scared me so much. I didn't think they would understand or believe me about the thoughts I had been having, and that I was slowly killing myself by not eating. I did not want to confide in anyone because I was worried about feeling like a burden, so I kept it inside.
Luckily, I started to bond a lot with my high school teacher and coach. Slowly, I felt myself coming out of those dark places. Together, we made a plan to tell my parents and to figure out what help I needed. I needed to figure out a way to get better, while showing up to school so I wouldn’t fall behind. Sometimes it's harder to be isolated and removed from a life you have always known, than to try and balance a healing journey with all the other commitments of senior year.
You are loved. If you take anything away from this, I hope you know that there is always someone out there who is willing to help. It might be hard and feel scary, but it will get better when you tell someone – a friend, a family member, or a teacher – what you are going through.
Mia W., Syracuse University
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