Kaelia H.
If you’re reading this, you don’t need to be the best,
I have never been the best at anything I have done in my life, no seriously im not joking. I can't say that I haven't wanted to be though. In fact I dreamed about it for so long. It was all I wanted, and it didn't even matter what it was in. I tried to run the fastest in PE, finish my math test the quickest, get the highest grade on a test, or even be the best dressed.
Some may say that this is just me being competitive and is just a good trait of an athlete but, all the times I focused on being the best, all the time that was the only thing I would think about and it still has yet to happen. I was never the best, and I wasn't learning or improving. I was so focused on finishing my math test the fastest that I would get answers wrong that I knew how to do. I would run the hardest and fastest that I could but still would never beat the boys. I would always think that I was simply not good enough.
This caused me to focus a lot on the outcome of any given thing instead of the process. I would practice, try my absolute hardest and get into a meet and I wouldn't go a best time, I wouldn't get the cut that I wanted, or I wouldn't win and I would think all my work was useless. It wasn't though. I was doing something I loved. The drive of me wanting to be the best kept me doing these hard things. I showed up at practice everyday ready to work.
I knew when I committed to Arizona State I knew that I wasn't going to be the best on the team. The reality was I probably wasn't even going to travel and I knew that. I won't lie, it still wasn't incredibly fun to watch my teammates travel and me be left at campus. I however couldn't be more grateful to not be the best. Throughout my time in college and age group swimming I have learned so much from not getting what I wanted. Growth only takes place in discomfort and me putting myself in a position like this allowed me to work, experience the discomfort and ultimately grow from it.
Only through this adversity have I been able to learn and find out what I am truly looking for. I have learned so much about what kind of teammate, swimmer, and person I am through all of this. Success often makes you content but I was moving my needle forward while everyone else was satisfied with their results. I have used adversity as fuel to be the best me that I can be. While I want to be as good as I can be, that's not everything to me anymore. I don't have to be the fastest in the pool to still be Kaelia. I am me and I have grown so much from that adversity I have faced but, however fast I swim or whatever travel teams I make or don't make I am okay.
I go to bed as Kaelia Hughes and wake up as Kaelia Hughes every day. I wouldn't give up being the worst for one second. Everything I have learned or experienced from the process of getting better and improving has been worth it. I am exactly the person I want to be regardless of athletic performance regardless of not being the best. I will let you know if I do ever become the best and what that feels like but its not something I need to feel complete anymore.
Kaelia H.., Arizona State University
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