Keyur M.

Photography by Shawn Bulloch

If you’re reading this, know that you’re still on season 1.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve held personal expectations to hit certain goals, due dates, and accomplishments based on my friends and family around me. After all, everyone knows you need to get straight A’s to be a good student, find the love of your life in college, and get years' worth of internship experience before you get a “real job” - Right?

But after years of pushing myself to fit the timelines that people around me confirmed to be true, I still found myself criticising all the work I’ve done because I wasn’t at the place my pre-determined calendar told me to be. A lot of my doubts came from the people around me. I saw my classmates improve on their grades year-to-year, my friends find comfort in relationships, and others get job offers before they were even close to graduating. Measuring my expectations with those around me only compounded the pressure I already put on myself. I was stuck in an anxiety-induced insomnia cycle night after night, constantly wondering if I would ever “figure it out” and get back on track. Everyone told me it would be okay, not to stress, and to let it work out, but when you set your goals so high, everything that’s even an inch off the top feels like a failure. Everything I seemed to do was just not enough for me, and didn’t help me fill in those goals I set for myself those years ago. I felt at an all-time low, not knowing if anything I would do would ever put me back to the levels I felt I should be at.

And so, as I always do, I fell into my safe space for comfort. I turned on the TV and switched to an episode of Friends. I watched as Chandler stagnated in a job he hated, Ross broke off relationships that were meant to last a lifetime, and Joey couldn’t complete his dreams despite an infinite number of attempts. I watched as my future life was reflected in the characters written 20 years ago. I watched as my thoughts of never being where I wanted to be unfolded on TV. But as I watched my anxiety on the screen in front of me, I realized that there were still nine seasons to go. I was stuck on season 1, both online and in real life.

I took a step back to really think about whether the timeline I set for myself 5 years ago was the timeline I’m still following. I started to realize that if I keep comparing myself to where I expect myself to be, I lose focus of where I am right now. So now every time I start to spiral, feel a pang of anxiety, and start looking around wondering where I’m supposed to be, I realize that the script just hasn’t been written yet. I realize that I’m still on season 1.

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that sometimes the writers don’t know what the next season is going to look like. But maybe if the script hasn’t been written yet, there’s still a lot of story left to tell.

Keyur M., University of Georgia

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