Emilie O.
If you’re reading this, progression isn’t linear.
I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. The constant feeling like I was always bracing for something became familiar. I didn’t question it because I didn’t know there was another way to live. I thought this was just how everyone felt.
When I transferred to Syracuse, I thought I would feel better, but my anxiety didn’t disappear. Starting over in a new place was harder than I anticipated, and my anxiety began to show up in new ways. It came accompanied by periods of depression, something I had never dealt with before. I felt like I was moving backward by coming here, instead of forward like I intended to. I lost trust in myself and my decision-making.
Living through those hard moments made it clear I was transforming. Rather than letting them take over, I began finding small ways to stay steady. Some days, that meant scheduling an impromptu therapy session. Other times, it was as simple as putting on a happy song or texting my sister. There were also moments when it meant stepping back from what felt overwhelming, even when that choice was met with judgment. While these didn’t fix everything, they helped keep me going. I was starting to move through change rather than around it.
I still have bad days, and I don’t expect my mental illness to ever completely disappear. That said, learning how to move through it on my own terms is the best thing I could have done for myself. I’m able to recognize when it’s time to protect my peace and when it’s time to push myself out of my comfort zone. The difficult days don’t erase any progress. If anything, they make the good days all the better.
If you’re reading this and you feel stuck or discouraged, remember that healing isn’t a straight line. The bad moments don’t erase all of the progress you have made.
Emilie O., Syracuse University
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