Sarah S.
Featuring Sarah Swift
If you’re reading this… seek hope beyond your hurt
I still remember the moment my life changed forever. If I close my eyes hard enough, I’m 6- years-old again, sitting on the worn-in couch in my childhood home, next to my big brother and little sister. My mom tells us that dad had something called a heart attack while at work, “will he come home?” I ask naively.
On that rainy day in April 2010, my dad became another name on the heart disease death toll, and I became a member of the 4% of children to have lost a parent before 17. Not only did I feel the earth-shattering weight of grief upon my small, childish shoulders, but I felt the immediate change of my reality.
As time passed, my sadness didn’t fade, but rather, it changed. The pit in my chest, once filled with sadness, was now replaced by anger. Why my dad? Why me? I fought with the reality of my loss and ultimately, I transferred middle schools in an attempt to seek refuge from my isolation. I found relief in new friendships and saw a growing light at the end of a long tunnel. I met a student named Connor, whose mom was undergoing treatment for her cancer diagnosis. A few months after we met, Connor lost his mom, and we promptly started a grief group that met every Wednesday at lunch. The group was small, just three students and our counselor, but exactly what we all needed. We laughed, cried, and bonded over our twisted common tie.
For the first time ever, I felt like there could be a deeper meaning behind my pain. The very same grief that once isolated me could fuel connection and give me a purpose. Could the very same thing that once destroyed me be the reason I find my peace?
In 2022, I competed in a Miss America state competition for the first time, and debuted my community service initiative, Happy Hearts: Heart Healthy Advocacy & Education. I took the stage and shared my dad’s story and legacy. I had zero medical experience (and I mean zero– I’m a Fashion Media major), but I knew I had a story worth sharing.
Over the past three years, I’ve thrown myself into advocacy work with the American Heart Association. I’ve delivered speeches to C-suite executives about implementing CPR education into the workplace, I’ve attended Heart Walks in Denver, Dallas, and Tarrant County, I’ve sat in on legislative sessions discussing heart health reform. Most recently, I stood on the Miss Texas stage and talked about the importance of heart health awareness while nearly 2 million Texans watched the televised show from their homes.
While I’ve been behind podiums and under stage lights, my favorite moments are in elementary school classrooms with students who have also lost a parent. Kids are always shocked when they learn that Miss Southlake has a story like theirs. As if just because I’m a pageant queen, it means I’m immune to the typical trials and tribulations of the world. In those moments, I find a deep sense of purpose knowing that these kids are seeing a role model that I never had.
From a middle school grief group to making the Top 5 at Miss Texas, my dad is with me in everything I do. When it comes to my advocacy, every step I take and each word I speak is dedicated to honoring his legacy. I stand today as Miss Southlake and reflect on that 6-year-old girl sitting with her family on the couch, and I feel at peace.
There are days that I wish I could go back and hug 6-year-old Sarah and let her know that she’ll be okay. But she will know soon enough. Instead, let me tell you. You are allowed to pursue joy in the midst of the storm. You can feel peace beyond your pain, and you may find purpose from the same thing that once uprooted you.
Southern Methodist University, Sarah Swift
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