Dr. Angela Jackson

Photo provided by Angela Jackson, MD

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you can do this.

Overwhelmed

Dictionary definition: “Overcome by force or numbers, like being buried under a huge mass of things to do”.

If you’re reading this, being overwhelmed is a feeling I have lived with for a very, very long time. I started to feel this more acutely as a chief medical resident. There was, as I perceived it anyway, an enormous expectation that I would know a lot more clinical medicine than I did. Daily Morning Reports had to be worth the residents’ time to attend. Literature searches were a constant in order to answer questions coming my way from the residents and even attendings. Expectations were high (granted, mostly mine). Rounding on all the admitted patients starting at 6AM every day, reading all the charts, giving feedback, organizing department conferences, reading and preparing for the next day- the list seemed endless. And still, there was always more that I could (or should?) be doing. “It’s just for a year,” I thought. And it did end up being a GREAT year. I learned a ton, and the die was cast for a career in medical education. 

Then I became faculty, with a clinical practice, a regular clinical teaching/supervisory role, and then, a little later, two (amazing) daughters.  The treadmill sped up. My program director, grant writing role eventually transitioned to my role as dean of student affairs in the med school. New responsibilities, deliverables, people to avoid disappointing... there was always more to do, never enough time, deadlines I couldn’t miss, mistakes to avoid, questions to answer (quickly and correctly). At some point, I realized that “overwhelmed” became the status quo. 

I love my job, I really do. All of it. Some days are tougher than others. But I love my job. I like challenges. I like problem solving. I love my patients. I love the students. I love my friends and my family. But I have too much to do and not enough time to do it. And at some point, this became my new normal.

Yet over the years, I have learned to make peace with being “overwhelmed” and some of that comes with rebranding what overwhelmed means.  I have learned to set parameters. You can be very busy, with deadlines to juggle, demands that keep coming, work that is never really “finished” and still find balance – or something close to it. Balance isn’t constant or static; it looks different at different times. Importantly, I have learned to recognize the “overwhelmed feeling” so that it doesn’t hijack my day.  I can now realize that “I have been here before and didn’t die”. I know I can finish what needs doing and not let that feeling of “having too much to do” call the shots. Organization and priority setting is important, but so is the spur of the moment trip with my daughter or the long phone call with a sister. The feeling is just that – a feeling. I can talk myself down (most of the time) by remembering that it is familiar and manageable.

 I’ve learned to discern what requires all my attention immediately and what can wait, because I have a better sense of what is important- to me, to my family and to the roles I hold. Always putting forward your best effort is important, but perfection in all things, all the time, is not. 

One hears a lot these days about “work-life balance”. This isn’t achieved in a single “done and dusted moment”, fixed once and left forever in place. As a physician, this is constantly in flux, with the balance ebbing and flowing like the ocean’s surf. Being out of whack today still leaves tomorrow. Medicine is hard. Life can be hard. The trick is to learn how to do “hard”, do it well, and find joy along the way. For me, that has included embracing my state of continuous overwhelmed-ness as the new normal, focusing on the truly important, which allows me to take a minute to do nothing but look out the window and admire the sky. Or the creative antics of the squirrel at the squirrel-proof birdfeeder. Or, cliché intended, to smell the coffee. 

If any students are reading this, I want you to know that you can do this. Feeling overwhelmed is not the end of it all. By recognizing it and naming it, you defang the monster.  You can learn what is truly important to you and what is not and how to let go when needed.  You can learn who has your back and you can always count on, and who is counting on you. Being overwhelmed is just a feeling – one that can be contained, leaving plenty of room for joy.

Angela Jackson, MD

Associate Dean of Students

Several studies have revealed that medical students, physicians, and healthcare professionals experience mental health symptoms at rates significantly higher than the general population. Stethos[Cope] is a chapter of IfYoureReadingThis designed to help medical students and professionals cope with the unique stressors of medical training and change the narrative of mental health in medicine.

To read more letters and interviews from students, and to learn more about mental health in the medical community, visit the Stethos[Cope] home page.