annie blake
Photography by Greer Diaz
If you are reading this, do not get stuck trying to figure out why bad things happen.
That may sound silly, but looking for an answer to why certain things happen in our lives can trap us in harmful mindsets.
I have always had a hard time believing everything happens for a reason, especially during the beginning of my college experience. When I got placed in a tiny lakeshore dorm away from all my high school friends, I thought, why me? When I got a random roommate and struggled to make new friends, I thought, why me? There were many very small things that did not go the way I had wished for, and I would try to figure out why they were happening. Was I just unlucky? Is this karma? Are unfortunate things meant to happen to me? I tried to figure out why I kept running into unideal situations, in hopes that I could make a change, that nothing else would go wrong, and I would be content.
But I learned I cannot figure everything out. I will never know why some things happen. In May of 2024, my brother unexpectedly passed away. I of course questioned, why did this have to happen? Why my brother? Why now? Why couldn't he have more time? It was the night before he was moving home, and we were going to spend the entire summer living there together. The day before, my mom and I cleaned his room, moved out all my clothes I stored in there while he was at school, made his bed, and anticipated his arrival the next morning. But he could not come home the next morning, and I needed to figure out why this was my new reality. My head filled with questions, seeking answers as to why he had to pass the night before we were going to reunite. If everything happens for a reason, what was the reason? I struggled accepting the fact that he was gone, because there truly would never be a good answer to calm my brain.
Many nights, I sat in bed repeating “why did this happen,” over and over and over. I let my mind race and focus on how unfair this was. I still do not know why this happened. It was not supposed to happen, but I realized I will never figure it out. Even in situations that are supposed to be exciting, I question why Andrew is not here with me and why he can’t be experiencing the moment too.
Although I will never be able to find answers to why my best friend only got to experience 22 years on earth, there are other things I can focus on. I can look at pictures of him, listen to videos to hear his voice, read through our old texts, listen to his favorite songs, and talk about him as much as I can. And that is something I have to learn to be okay with, even though I don't want to. I can remind myself to stop attempting to understand why this happened and to change my mindset. Now, I can think about how we grieve heavily when we love deeply, and how lucky I am to have experienced that love. I can see Andrew in small things every day, whether it is a funny video or a new song I know he’d like, and feel close to him. I can tell myself that Andrew is now living through me. Rather than sitting in my room every day trying to figure out something I will never find answers to, I can go out and experience life like Andrew would, always keeping his memories with me.
So if you are reading this, take a moment to admire the life you have. When you notice yourself trying to find answers to everything, gently remind yourself to pause and shift your mindset.
I urge you to be in awe of the life you can live. To focus on the things that are in your control. And to not get stuck questioning why there are sad things that come along with living.
“I am not trying to figure anything out or understand it, but just to be in awe.”
Annie B., University of Wisconsin
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