Muskaan M.
Photography by Jalencia Pouge
If you’re reading this, you deserve immense love in your life.
Just about every Monday this semester, my friend Jack and I have gotten coffee at Cool Beans together. We sip, we chat, we are silly, we walk down memory lane, and sometimes we even pretend to get work done. We noticed some board games in the back of one of the rooms last week, and we just may take a gander next Monday.
I cannot express how beautiful this sentiment is to me. Amidst busy schedules, this time with Jack is my solace. We laugh, we share our grievances — you’d be surprised at how much ground we cover in 30 minutes. And as I walk to my next destination, I think about how lucky I am to have met Jack, alongside so many other special people over these past four years, that have redefined my perception of friendship and love. For so many years, I have not felt deserving of this feeling of belongingness in my relationships. I have experienced transactionality, where our shared time is seen as a requirement to be fulfilled rather than a delight to be cherished. I have felt undeserving of flexibility and undeserving of being a priority.
Now I have friends who will get coffee with me for half an hour every week because they like spending time with me, no matter how long we have. I have roommates who make on-campus housing feel just like home. There are jackets strewn across the couch, shoes in disarray at the front door, Taco Bell sauce packets, pens, and random snack packets in our countertop bowl. There are paintings on the walls that would make a third-grader shake their head in disappointment of our artistic abilities. We make roomie smoothies, we share groceries, we discuss the whereabouts of our campus celebrities: this is a home that is lived in. I have friends who have become sisters, as we yammer on and on about nonsensical nuisances at the Riverwalk, go on post-dance practice Pizookie runs, throw themed potluck parties, and have sleepovers on weekdays simply because we can and want to.
I am healing my inner child, and I am unlearning my people-pleasing tendencies because of the companionship, kindness, and support that is at the foundation of these little moments of joy that get me through my week. Perhaps these are cliché nostalgic reflections of a graduating senior, but at this moment, I am so full of gratitude to have been surrounded by a community — a home away from home — that will continue to make my life one of beauty, wonder, and contentment, for years to come.
If you are reading this, I urge you not to settle for any form of love that makes you feel unworthy in any capacity. I urge you not to give up on finding people that will appreciate you fully. I want to reassure you that you deserve to be valued for the human that you are, foremost to any of your accolades. And when you find it, I encourage you not to take any of the little moments for granted, for there is no exaggeration in the power of a true, genuine, friendship and truly nothing sweeter.
Muskaan M., University of South Carolina
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