Anonymous
Photo by Jon Tyson
If you’re reading this, then I’ve learned that I don’t have to know exactly what I’m doing to know that I’m where I’m meant to be.
I went from being homeschooled my entire life to attending a large, SEC university with over 40,000 students. It was the most intimidating thing I’ve ever done. And that’s really saying something, considering I’ve done backflips on a piece of wood 4 inches wide, 4 feet high. During my senior year of high school, there were no more than three people in the classroom at one time. I spent my school day in one room, one chair, at one table. Every single day. Now, I sit in classrooms with hundreds of students surrounding me, and no day is the same. Going from that redundant lifestyle to such a dynamic, unique one was overwhelming at times, but so exciting.
I used to feel sad about missing out on all the traditions public school kids were getting to have. Prom, homecoming, football games. I always felt like I was missing out. I felt it especially when I heard my gymnastics teammates talking about everything they had going on in their lives and at school. I never had anything to share myself. That one room and that gymnastics gym were pretty much my entire life. That’s most of the reason why I wanted to come to a big school. I had already spent so much time in the “everybody knows everybody” environment. I wanted to choose a place that would push me outside my comfort zone, so I chose a school where I would have to learn to adapt to unfamiliar environments and experiences.
I went out of state, so upon arriving, I didn’t know anyone from home. For a while, the only interactions I was having on a daily basis were with my roommate. I found myself relying on her to go almost everywhere with me because I didn’t want to be alone, but I wasn’t ready to meet new people yet either. I started out struggling in my courses too. It was my first time in a real lab, first time having group projects, sitting in a large classroom, and really having classmates. I was having new experiences that everyone else already had numerous times before. It made me feel out of place at times, almost like an imposter. I had a hard time finding my footing for a majority of that fall semester. I began to wonder if I would ever figure this whole college thing out.
Towards the end of that first semester, I gradually began to approach my experiences differently. Instead of seeing it all as scary and overwhelming, I looked at it through the lens of appreciation. I felt gratitude at the opportunity to finally experience all that I feared I was missing out on before. I got to appreciate all the things others saw as normal and maybe boring. I didn’t have to chase excitement because simply being at college showed me that there is so much more to life. I also realized that I wasn’t actually alone. Every other freshman on this campus was in the same place as me. Everyone is a little bit afraid, everyone is in a completely new environment, everyone is trying to get used to their new normal. That took some of the fear away. I stopped acting like an outsider and started to relate where I could. Instead of feeling behind, both academically and socially, I focused on what I needed to do to prove to myself that I was just as capable as anyone else at succeeding here. I pushed myself to go places alone. I took advantage of the resources available to me and experimented with various study habits until I found what worked best. I stopped comparing my experience to people with different opportunities.
From there, I grew in the ways I hoped I would. I developed meaningful connections and grew as both a person and a student. I stepped out of my shell and into myself. I adapted and found my home away from home; a place where I belong. All the worries and doubts from before continue to fade away. Most importantly, I learned that being inexperienced doesn’t make me incapable, and that I don’t have to have everything figured out to know that I’m growing in the right direction.
Anonymous, University of South Carolina
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