Sophia C.

Photography by Ally Szabo

If you’re reading this, let’s meet each other where we are.

It feels weird to be on the other side of the letter writing process. As the president of IYRT Nova for the last few years, I’ve had the privilege of reading each of your letters and getting to know a piece of your story. Thank you all for your courage, now it’s my turn.

I found my passion for mental health advocacy through my own struggles with anxiety. It’s something I have dealt with since I was a little kid, and it’s something I still carry with me every day. Some days, it’s like a boulder tied to my ankle dragging me down. Other days it’s a little rock I can kick ahead of me as I walk. I’ve been in and out of therapy, been on medication, and tried everything from yoga to cold showers. A lot of these things have helped me grow and learn to navigate life with uncomfortable feelings, but, my anxiety is always there, looming in the background, waiting for one thing to set me off.

The last four years at Villanova really have been the best of my life, but they haven't always been easy. I have always held myself to high academic standards, and being surrounded by so many high-achieving, brilliant students here has only pushed those expectations higher. I’ve never been one to celebrate my victories or accomplishments because they have always felt like the only option. Not something to be celebrated, but the bare minimum, the expectation. I can’t figure out where these standards came from, because my friends and family are nothing but supportive of everything I do. I really am my own biggest critic. 

When I joined IYRT, I knew I wanted to write a letter. I didn't know if I would write it my freshman year, or my senior year (obviously we know the answer to that now). As someone who advocates for mental wellness and emphasizes the importance of our individual stories, I did not expect this letter to make me feel so…scared. I brought my same high-achieving mentality to this letter, like I’m getting a grade for it, or it’s going to follow me around everywhere I go. I wrote and deleted no less than 5 drafts, and I probably would keep rewriting this if I didn’t have a deadline of graduation creeping up on me. It is so hard for me to accept that my life cannot be perfect, and that everything cannot go as planned.

I can sit here and preach the message that we need to love ourselves and have patience with where we are, but I don’t do that. I make sure everyone else is kind to themselves, but I’m not kind to myself. The truth is, I don’t know how to change that, no matter what I do. I have my panic attacks under control, my daily anxiety is manageable, but the self doubt is always there telling me that I will never be good enough, and that’s okay. I know that the doubt will always creep in, but I also know that I am surrounded by the best friends and most supportive family I could ever ask for, and that they will always pick up my slack where I need them to. 

This letter isn’t my story, it’s a moment in my life, it’s where I am right now. My story has been everything at Villanova and will be everything that comes my way afterwards, and my story will probably always have some self-doubt, but that’s okay, I will still succeed, and so will you. 

Let me leave you with this, if you’re reading this, surround yourself with people who care, they may seem hard to find, but trust me they are there. There are people who will love you no matter what you’re bringing to the table day after day, and there are people who will meet you where you are. Find them, and love them. They might just be the missing piece you need to know that everything will be okay.

IYRT Villanova, thank you for everything. Never stop sharing your bits and pieces of experiences. Your letters have made tremendous impacts, more than you will ever know.  I can’t wait to watch our community grow with every letter that comes after mine, you all amaze me. Thank you for trusting me and our organization with your story, we will always take care of our own.

Sophia C., Villanova University

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To follow IfYoureReadingThis at Villanova on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Villanova students, visit our chapter’s homepage.