Sequoia t.

Photography by Peyton Mears

If you’re reading this, give yourself grace to be imperfect. 

Perfectionism is a blessing and a curse.  

I figured this out very young, when my 4th-grade teacher reached out to my mom, concerned about my heavy emotional reaction to getting a 90% on my times tables. This issue only persisted throughout middle and high school as I developed intense anxiety surrounding my academics, attaching every ounce of self-worth to my schoolwork.  

Looking back, I realize now that this was a coping mechanism. I was able to block out any fear or stress from my home by fully immersing myself in school, in a desperate attempt not only to show my parents that I was worthy of their attention but also to show myself that I was worthy of the privileges I had been granted in this life. I had unknowingly set unattainable expectations for myself, which created deeply rooted mental health issues surrounding my own worth and self-esteem.  

This intense, debilitating hyper fixation was only alleviated when I found a way to do what I love. The path to this realization began when I discovered the world of music and performance. At first, I was hesitant, worried that taking on a new, non-academic commitment would affect my schoolwork. And it did. It took me a while to realize THAT WAS OKAY! I had found community, I had found passion, and I had found a way to love the person I am without the anxiety of a 4.0 GPA looming over every thought I held. This isn’t to say that this stress had completely disappeared, but I had finally found an outlet and a way to connect with myself that couldn’t be quantified.  

Attending FSU was a dream of mine. I aspired to be a senator, ready to singlehandedly change the world. In starting fresh my first year here, my tunnel vision regarding this goal trapped me in that same cycle of perfectionism and self-doubt that I had previously worked so hard to escape. I would find myself dreading my classes, struggling to make friends in my major, and once again relying on my academics as my sole source of value in my character and intelligence. Just like I had in high school, these patterns drastically improved when I discovered something that I truly loved to be a part of —in this case, the FSU College of Social Work.  

The community, the class content, and the collective passion within this college were utterly inspiring. It was only then that I had fully realized the flaws of my previous mindset. In joining this community and receiving the unconditional support of my peers and mentors, I was finally able to let go of this impossible quest of perfection. Seeing so many people truly care about serving others and fighting for social justice put into perspective the little importance an 89% had in the long run. I wasn’t here to get straight A’s- I was here to learn, to grow, and to truly enjoy the privilege I was given to be here in the first place. 

As graduation looms closer, I have truly never been happier. This is your sign to do whatever it is that brings you joy! No matter how perfect you try to be, it will NEVER be enough if you aren’t emotionally fulfilling yourself. I joined clubs, I connected with my professors, I found community with my peers, and I still participate in music and performance to this day. In prioritizing my happiness, my schoolwork has become easier, my shoulders lighter, and my self-worth at the highest it has been. It is never too late to change your mind, to focus on yourself, or to simply pick up a new hobby.  

Let go of this constant goal of perfection. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Fall in love, make new friendships, lose some friendships, and try new things. The universe put you exactly where you are for a reason — enjoy it! 

Sequoia T., Florida State University

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