Savannah S.
Photography by Ashley Kung
If you’re reading this, I need you to stop believing these lies:
Lie #1: Always Be Improving
Your recent emotional turbulence does not define you. Although it is perfectly normal to feel ashamed of the way that you behave(d) when struggling with mental illness, it is far more productive to practice forgiveness. Social media has convinced us that our psyches are, essentially, drab guest bathrooms: somewhere, somehow, there is always room for improvement. Cut out the clutter. Rip out the tile. Repaint the walls. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. In this life, it is the bravest thing you can do to love yourself, flaws and all. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but can you imagine how amazing the world would be if we were as kind to ourselves as we are to other people? Forgive yourself, and love yourself. The people who love you will be more than willing to do the same.
Lie #2: Imperfect = Unlovable
Another lie we are frequently sold (this one almost, if not more, insidious than the first) is that no one will ever love you unless you are perfect, inside and out. That it is responsible, if not required, to ensure that all your mental health issues are neatly squared away before you even begin to think about putting yourself out there. Not only is this fundamentally untrue, it is completely unrealistic. I’m sorry, but who is this hypothetically perfect human waiting for you to also be perfect so that he/she/they can finally date you? That person does not exist. Nobody is perfect, and the expectation of perfection (self-inflicted or otherwise) is entirely ridiculous. At the end of the day, what makes any relationship truly worthwhile is a constant and consistent effort to love and understand your partner. We don’t ask people out because they’re perfect. Rather, we go on dates with people because, despite (or perhaps because of) their flaws, we find them endearing. We like them. If things go really well, you’ll likely want to love and understand all of them–baggage included. Extend that concession to everyone, including yourself. Love yourself with the same unwavering intensity that you usually reserve for others.
Savannah S., University of Florida
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