Prarthna B.
Photography by Emma Joseph
If you’re reading this, your weaknesses don’t define you!
The last few years of my life have been riddled with severe anxiety. I first became cognizant of these struggles during my sophomore year of high school, when I would suddenly freeze and an intense sense of panic and nausea take over my body. In these moments, I would feel helpless, as I became extremely overwhelmed by my surroundings. Initially, these feelings would only come to me when I was in an exam setting. Slowly but surely, they persisted into other aspects of my life.
It just continued to get worse. My junior and senior years took place during the pandemic when classes were online. I clearly remember the feeling of waking up every single day with a heavy pain in my chest, feeling scared and unmotivated to do anything that would usually excite me. To make matters worse, my heart was constantly racing. I am typically an optimistic person, but the anxiety was getting to me.
When I came to college, it only got worse. Adjusting to an environment that was so wildly different from where I grew up and dealing with the complexities that came with being a student of color at a PWI only worsened my mental health. I was constantly in my head about being different from most people around me: sounding different, looking different, and not being able to keep up with the demanding academic rigor of Wake Forest. Then, along with other parts of living with anxiety, panic attacks unfortunately also became a very regular part of my life.
I wouldn’t wish a panic attack upon my worst enemy. When I am in the throes of a panic attack, I feel like I have no control over the situation and can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I feel like the world is closing in on me and like I can’t breathe. My heart rate is always beating fast, I’m shaking, and often, crying. In those moments, it can feel like I’m going to feel like that forever. Despite this, I’m here to tell you that it does get better and your weaknesses don’t define you.
This past year, even though it has been incredibly difficult to do so, I have made sure to try to take proactive steps to better my mental health. It can be hard to talk about something that you’re struggling with. It can be even harder to ask for help. However, from my own experience, no matter how hard it is, it’s worth it. It will make you feel so much better when you have an established support system around you.
I used to have trouble even acknowledging the fact that I was experiencing something difficult… but I’m learning.
My anxiety hasn’t disappeared; it is still a huge part of my life, and it often creeps up on me. Day by day, I’m learning how to deal with it better. I let myself feel it, because I’ve learned that the first step to healing is acknowledging that it is okay and normal to feel the way I am feeling.
Whenever I have a hard time with my mental health, it is extremely beneficial for me to take some time for myself: I listen to some music, go on a long walk and journal about my feelings. Some days, when I don’t have the energy to do even that, a shower and some comfort food can do the trick.
Giving myself some time to feel my emotions is important.
If you are struggling with your mental health, I know it feels like it defines you. But I promise it does not. Knowing that you are not alone in what you are feeling is so important — and that can take many forms. Reach out to anyone you trust — or give therapy a chance. Many of you will glance over that and never think about it seriously. As someone from India, where paths such as therapy and medication for mental health struggles are heavily stigmatized, I get it. But the reality is that asking for help doesn’t make you weak — it allows you to live a healthier, more fulfilling day-to-day life.
The things we struggle with never define us. With the right support, your struggles only make you stronger.
You have gotten through every bad day you have had so far and you deserve to live a life full of joy. There are so many wonderful people to meet, feelings to feel, and experiences to live through and they are worth fighting for.
Being open about my anxiety and learning to talk about it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I know the solace I find in knowing I’m not alone in my struggles, and I hope this letter serves the same! You are incredible, even in your darkest moments! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the sun will always rise again :)
Sincerely,
Prarthna B., Wake Forest
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