Peyton W.
Photography by Ally Szabo
If you’re reading this, it’s a beautiful day.
You know that person that everyone wants to be around? That has that contagious laugh that makes you smile no matter how bad the joke? That fills up a room the second they walk in it? Yeah, that was my Dad. He was pretty freaking cool… and not to mention my best friend. My friends would literally come over to my house to hang out with him. On the sidelines of every single one of my siblings and I’s games, cheering like there was no tomorrow for all of the Boston sports teams, blasting and following music like it was a full-time job… There was never a dull moment.
Unfortunately, I had to learn that there was such a thing as a life in which he was not there. Last August, following our fun-loving family vacation in Tahoe, my Dad was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer and left this world in a matter of less than two weeks following his diagnosis. As August 6, 2021, was supposed to be the starting surgery of kicking this unexpected cancer’s butt, the beloved Sean Walker II, the man I had the honor of calling “Dad”, did not wake up from the surgery.
Punched in the face with tragedy, loss, and grief: I still to this day am numb to this gaping whole in my heart. While initially swarmed with the “I am here for you” and “I am so sorry”, life and people started to move on. But I did not. And honestly, I do not think I ever will.
However, I am here to tell you that it is okay to feel the “feels”. That I wish, oh how I wish, I could say this pain goes away… but it does not. Yet, we just grow stronger. We may live without these people, but we can live for these people.
While I didn’t know it was my final goodbye, I hugged my dad tight on the night before his surgery. Having ups and downs throughout his own childhood, my Dad always strived to go above and beyond as a role model in my siblings and I’s lives up until that very last day. My little brother carries his legacy on by wearing our dad’s high school football number “44”. I run our traditional run up Heartbreak Hill as much as I can. My older sister is up to date on all of the releases of his favorite singers and bands. We bring him with us. We carry him on.
Like I said before, my dad loved music. From singing every word to AC/DC, to accidentally connecting to my speaker getting caught playing Taylor Swift, there was a song for everything. One of them is U2’s Beautiful Day, which I find myself listening to when hitting shuffle on my “Dad” playlist.
Whether you or someone you care about is dealing with the loss of a loved one, let me be the one to tell you that you are allowed to miss them. Just don’t let this feeling of “missing” dictate your everyday life. Yes, let out those tears. But also, yes, use that person to inspire you by doing the things you love. That they love. Carry them with you.
Take each day, one at a time, and live it. Live it for the people living around you and the people living in your heart. Now, go ahead with that day you’re having, and have a beautiful one.
Peyton W., Villanova University
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