Morgan G.

Photography by Emma Joseph

If you’re reading this, give yourself grace.

I am a perfectionist. I constantly compare myself to this ideal, perfect image in my mind. I’ll check with myself and think about how to get closer to perfect for anything I do. Was I a perfect friend today? What can I do to be better? Was I a perfect student today? How can I improve? Did I study perfectly for that test? Where do I need to change my habits?.  I have thought this way for as long as I can remember, about anything in the past, as well as the future. How can I have the perfect week? How can I use my time perfectly? How do I make that experience perfect? 

My perfectionism is responsible for many of my ambitions academically, in my extracurriculars, and socially. It helps push me past my comfort zone, and continuously keeps me striving to be the best version of myself. 

I However, it has also led me to create unrealistic expectations for myself. I have been the harshest critic in my own life. Even when I’ve achieved something I should be proud of, there’s always a voice inside my head telling me I could’ve done more, done better, been better. Even when I should look forward to something in the future, I worry so much about it being just right that I get anxious instead of excited. That voice started as a motivator, but as life progressed it became overwhelming and started draining me. 

This past summer, this voice preaching perfection did more harm than good. I got stuck in my head, obsessing over every little detail in my life that needed improvement. I had a great semester in school, but I thought in circles about how I could manage my time better. I was looking forward to spending a semester abroad, but I focused on all the details I didn’t yet know and how it could ruin my plans. By the end of the summer, this constant inner monologue had taken its toll. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even smile because every breath was met with the anxious question, but is it perfect? At this point, I knew something had to change. I could not continue to chase a “perfect” that left me feeling exhausted and empty. I wanted to be able to enjoy life along the way again, embrace my mistakes, and stop obsessing over the “perfect” I never let myself reach. 

So, I started small. First, I reminded myself to take deep breaths and slow down in the everyday motions of life. I permitted myself to have unstructured time, to say “I don’t know” without spiraling, and learned to be comfortable with uncertainty rather than fear it. I leaned on my family and friends and turned to them to help me see the good in moments I would tend to overthink. Most importantly, I actively worked to shift my focus to the moment I was in. I chose to let the past stay behind me and to take on the future as it came. 

Giving myself the grace to live in the moment helped me re-spark my passion for life. I began to feel pride in the impact of my accomplishments, rather than focus on how they could improve. I have found a thousand reasons to smile and laugh with the people I was experiencing life with. And if I make a mistake, I think about what I could fix for next time and then move on to embrace the next moment in life. I redefined “perfect” to be about my mindset rather than my actions. Now, I ask myself, what can I control about how I approach this? What can I learn and take away from this? What can I be proud of? 

I still have perfectionist thoughts. I probably always will. But now, I try to meet them with compassion instead of criticism. I’ve learned to choose progress over perfection and presence over feeling the pressure to be perfect. And this is the best advice I could ever give anyone else struggling with self-expectation. Give yourself grace!!! Redefine your “perfect” to be about progress, not outcome. Do not get wrapped up in how something “should” be, because you can’t control it. Simply take every moment in life with a smile and an attitude to walk away being better from it. 

You are allowed to grow at your own pace. You are allowed to rest. You should be proud of yourself, even if things aren’t textbook “perfect.” So if you’re reading this and you feel stuck in your own expectations, I hope you take a breath. I hope you remind yourself that perfection isn’t the goal but self pride and happiness is. Because sometimes, the most “perfect" thing you can do is to show up, do your best, and let that be enough. 

                        Sincerely,

Morgan G., Wake Forest University

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