Jiwan K.
Photography by Dominique Barret
If you’re reading this, working at your own pace is enough.
Throughout high school, I always thought I was incompetent. I always assumed the people around me were better than me. Whether it be in sports, math, writing, or social spheres, I accepted that I was naturally beaten by someone faster, smarter, wittier, or more charismatic than me. To me, getting an A on a test meant that the teacher had made the test extremely easy; scoring a goal in lacrosse meant the opposing team had just given up; scoring a job after an interview meant no one else had applied. I made up excuses for my success, because I simply didn’t believe that I was capable of achieving greatness.
Here at Duke, nothing has changed. In fact, I underestimate my abilities even more, constantly thinking I do not belong. Everyday, I’m reminded that Duke is composed of students who were at the top of their high schools. And every single day, the voice in the back of my head tells me that I am an outlier in that statistic.
So, when my classmates and friends endlessly talk about their accomplishments in acquiring an internship, getting into pre-professional clubs, or acing their calculus midterms, I feel a debilitating fear that I will not live up to the standards that my peers seem to easily fulfill.
There has been only one thing keeping this crippling fear at bay: the understanding that I am not meant to follow anyone else’s timeline but my own. I’m beginning to realize that the people around me are not benchmarks I’m supposed to match. The people that I find myself constantly comparing myself to are merely on their own journeys with their own pacing. One of my best friends told me that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and she couldn’t be more right. With her advice ringing in my head, I remind myself in moments of fear that other people’s achievements don’t diminish mine. I am on my own path, and I am not obligated to explain that path to anyone.
Even though I still struggle with feeling like I fall short, I am learning to ignore hurtful comparisons and instead focus on the quiet and steady progress I make each day. I might not secure an internship at a top finance firm, become a leader of a selective club, or even complete every question on my midterms, but I try to remind myself that my own process through college is not any bit less worthy than someone else’s.
Belonging at Duke doesn’t mean that I have to match the outspoken success that my peers achieve. Rather, I know I belong at Duke, because I’m here, learning from the best professors and surrounded by students who motivate me to work harder every day.
If you’re reading this, working at your own pace is enough. You’re not behind, you’re not ahead, you’re right where you are supposed to be on your own path.
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