Jazmin D.
Featuring Jazmin Darjean
If you’re reading this, don’t let perfectionism keep you from your progress.
I’ve always thought that the key to true success was perfection. To be fully self-actualized was an achievable goal that you just have to work towards. I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of impossibly high standards and self-criticism. No matter what I did, I was never satisfied; there was always something else to master. I never felt proud of my achievements because I was always looking for the next hurdle to jump. But, unlike a race, the hurdles never seemed to end because there was no finish line.
I came to college with my mind set on a psychology degree, excited that it would teach me about other people, but I never realized how much it would teach me about myself as well. I’ve learned how our minds tend to ruminate: obsessing negative feelings, distress, or perceived flaws. We’ve reviewed how negativity bias can cause us to focus on our unfavorable experiences over positive or neutral ones and how all of this can impact our memory, attention, and decision-making.
Even if these psychology terms are unfamiliar, I’m sure you’ve experienced this. Whether it’s that moment when you asked for feedback and the criticisms felt so heavy compared to the compliments. Or how you keep ruminating on that moment from many years ago that was too embarrassing to even say out loud (which, let me tell you, no one else remembers as much as you). It really makes you wonder why our minds seemingly try to bring us down.
I’ve now realized that thought patterns like negativity bias and rumination are at the root of perfectionism. Rather than focusing on your current qualities or the things you have accomplished, your mind seems to run to what you don’t have and who you aren’t.
I recognize that these thoughts can be helpful as they encourage discipline and ambition; so, wouldn’t that make perfectionism a good thing? Doesn’t that feeling of ambition clear the road for more progress? In many ways, yes. Even in my personal life, I’ve seen my perfectionism push me to achieve amazing feats. But when these thoughts become obsessions, perfectionism begins to hinder your progress. You become insatiable and begin to chase after titles, awards, and “successes” for nothing but the sake of themselves. The key to avoiding this is to differentiate superficial, externally motivated progress from the real, intrinsic progress that leaves you fulfilled as you strive for it. You must be able to recognize, in yourself, when perfectionism becomes detrimental to your real progress.
Unfortunately, the answer to overcoming this unhealthy perfectionism isn’t written plainly in a textbook. However, I want to share some tips I’ve picked up along my personal journey:
1) Focus on healthy striving. This means accepting your flaws, learning from mistakes, and redirecting your attention to progress over perfection.
2) Find a faithful community. For me, this is my church where I’ve discovered that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved by God, and that only He is perfect, and I am made in His perfect image.
3) Seek internal approval. If your perfectionism stems from a fear of inability to live up to other’s expectations, sit with yourself and filter out what you’re doing to make others happy and discover what makes you innately fulfilled.
4) Have grace for yourself. I tend to excuse imperfection in others as “simply being human” but fail to give myself the same forgiveness. Avoid setting unrealistic expectations and standards for yourself.
5) When you start to ruminate on your imperfections, challenge yourself to give one good quality for every “bad” quality that comes to mind. Writing these down may help. Even if the list of “bad” outweighs the good, at least now you can look back to remind yourself that maybe there’s more good qualities than you initially thought.
Lastly, don’t forget to pause sometimes to look back on what you’ve accomplished.
These tips aren’t one size that fits them all. I’ve had to come to these solutions through my own experiences with counseling, church, psychology classes, and other avenues to begin to see my personal progress. The journey to overcoming your own perfectionism requires your own moments of uphill battles, self-reflection, and acceptance. To everyone engaged in their own fight against perfectionism, I wish you strength and I hope to have provided a sliver of support for your journey.
If you’re reading this, don’t let perfectionism keep you from your progress.
Jazmin D., Southern Methodist University
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