Grace M.
Photography by Ashley Kung
If you’re reading this, you don’t have to be perfect—and in fact, you shouldn’t be.
I used to spend a lot of time trying to figure myself out — why I compulsively organized my life around pleasing others, even if it meant sacrificing myself; why I was gripped by the need to be the best; why the idea of failure struck me with unimaginable fear.
Over the years, I learned that it all boiled down to a single word: perfectionism. And, contrary to what I had assumed, it had nothing to do with external expectations and everything to do with my own — and the belief that said perfection was the only way to guarantee success, happiness and love.
This belief said I had to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, and the perfect girlfriend. I had to have perfect grades, perfect skin, and perfect social skills because any behavior that colored outside the lines of perfection would be met with rejection or abandonment.
Exhausting, right? In the pursuit of perfection, I began to lose other things — happiness, energy, self-esteem — and I started to wonder if it was worth it. What if I didn’t have to be the perfect anything to anyone? What if I didn’t have to look perfect or act perfect or be perfect in school, at work, and in social settings? What if I could just…be? So for one week, I promised a therapist that I would try it. And you want to know what happened?
Absolutely nothing. The world kept spinning.
I’m just one example in the growing perfectionism trend. According to research conducted by Harvard Business Review, perfectionism among college students has risen in recent years — and with it, an epidemic of mental health issues. The researchers were particularly alarmed by the increase in socially prescribed perfectionism, which is the belief that others expect perfection and will be extremely critical if you fail to meet those expectations.
Socially prescribed perfectionism increased at twice the rate of other types of perfectionism, the study said, and displayed the most mental health consequences, including depression, anxiety, and social phobia.
The association between mental health and perfectionism might be obvious, but there’s another truth that Harvard Business Review and countless other studies found: perfectionism doesn’t work. People who strive for perfection are not more successful, and they don’t have better relationships. Instead, they often struggle with exhaustion, procrastination, and burnout — like I did.
College is hard. It’s fun and exciting and full of opportunities, but it’s also a breeding ground for competition and comparison. As a senior, I look back on my time at UF with satisfaction but also regret that I let perfectionism rule my life and college experience for so long. I was obsessed with being perfect in every area of my life that I forgot what college is truly about: finding friends, finding purpose, and finding yourself. Luckily, it doesn’t have to be this way.
I’m slowly learning how to be okay with failure and how to direct the same kindness and forgiveness I show others to myself. And while rewiring my brain is not an easy process, it’s so worth it. Not only do I have more energy, but I also feel like a weight has been lifted, and I can finally enjoy life as it is.
If you’ve ever wrestled with perfectionism, you’re not alone. I still do, some days. Letting go isn’t about lowering your standards; it’s about making room for your own humanity. Life
doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful — it just has to be lived.
Grace M., University of Florida
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