Vivian W.

If you’re reading this, you were created on purpose, with purpose.

Did you know that the chances of you being born are one in four trillion? 

That means the fact that you are alive today is quite literally almost a miracle.

You are not here by accident. Every detail about you; your story, your strengths, even your struggles has been woven together with intention.
There is something only you can do, someone only you can reach, and a light only you can shine.

So even when it feels like your steps are small or unnoticed, they matter.

You matter.

I know this not just because it sounds nice. I know it because I’ve lived it.

There was a time in my life when I questioned my purpose, when the weight of doubt felt heavier than hope. But it was in those moments that I began to see just how intentional God really is...

I was 5 when I started swimming on a competitive swim team but it wasn't until my 8th grade year that I became serious about the sport. I did not realize at the time but that decision would be the most important one I had yet to make and eventually would lead me to swim in college at ASU. 

That was something I never thought would happen. I never thought I was good enough and always saw myself as the girl in the background that made little to no impact and was always just there. I did not feel this way just about my sport but in every aspect of life. Whether it was school, friendships or even with my family, I always felt like an extra in their lives. 

I’ll admit, being  the youngest child has its perks but I don't think many people realize how lonely and sad it can be at times. Yes, I was capable and independent but I was also someone's daughter who longed to feel wanted and loved. And it wasn't that I didn't have people in my life that loved me — I did. It was that no matter what the situation I felt like the love I was receiving was conditional and an afterthought. Moreso it felt like I wasn't worthy of the love they were giving me. .

My freshman year of college wasn't the typical freshman year, even for an athlete. I was injured the entire season with something no one could figure out. My injury was invisible but my pain was real. Having to deal with that on top of all the changes that occurred with college, I felt even less worthy of love and like I didn't deserve anything because in my head my worth and value was placed on my performance and when you are not performing you don't have any value. 

My lack of performance therefore left me depressed and anxious. I was so overwhelmed by the idea that I was not good enough and never would be that It left me paralyzed unable to express my emotions or communicate effectively, which then left me in a constant cycle of never feeling good enough.

This is when I knew I had finally had enough and needed help, but I had no idea how to help myself. I stopped going to practices without telling my coaches, I stayed in and would never go out with my friends, I skipped classes. I practically withdrew from everything and it seemed like no one noticed. 

I eventually got a text from my coach asking to have a meeting. I sat down with him, he could tell I’d been crying. I explained to him mentally where I was at and how I wanted to intentionally hurt myself because then at least you could see the injury that no one could diagnose. He then spoke to me words I will never forget, 

“Vivian, you need help. I want to get you that help because you are here on this team for a purpose.”

That stuck with me. And it helped me get through the following semester understanding that I was put in that place and season of my life for a purpose. Things may not go as planned and I may not ever understand why certain events occurred but I was put there for a purpose. 

It is now almost two years later, and I may not be competing anymore but I am confident that I know my performance does not determine my worth and no matter what I am here on this earth for a purpose so I will live with a purpose. 

You were made with a purpose and for a purpose. 

The likelihood that you even exist proves that. The creator of the universe is so meticulous and a God of such detail that He made you on purpose and for a purpose. There is no other explanation for it.

So if you are reading this, you were created on purpose, with purpose and I hope you never forget that.

Vivian W., Class of ‘27, Arizona State University

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