Anonymous

Photo by Jalencia Pouge.

If you’re reading this, your mental illness doesn’t define you.

For a majority of my life I have struggled with OCD. For a long time I let OCD convince me that it was who I was. The rituals, the constant cycle of “what if”, and constantly overthinking took over so much of my energy and my everyday tasks. This caused me to believe that I was nothing more than my disorder and that people only saw me as the individual who had OCD.

There have been times where I have felt completely defeated. When I felt defeated I felt like I was stuck inside my own head while the rest of the world seemed to be so free. I would often compare myself to other individuals in my life who seemed to have no care in the world and all put together. My OCD often left me wondering why I couldn’t just “let things go”  just like the way other individuals seemed to let things go. The shame of living with a mental health disorder  had caused me to hide my struggles with my friends and peers due to the fact of being seen as the girl with OCD.

However, I’ve realized something important over time. OCD is a part of me just like my favorite color is a unique factor that makes me or how my friends shape my life for the better. OCD doesn’t define who I am or hinder the aspects of my life that make me unique. The mental disorder you are struggling with, also doesn't define you! In all honesty it makes you your unique self. I have days where my OCD causes me to get absorbed in mental cycles that feel like a never ending battle in my mind. Through my journey with OCD, I have come to realize that these cycles don’t take away from my personality. I have learned through my battle that  I am kind, resilient, creative, and strong.

For a long time, I wanted to be someone who didn’t struggle with OCD or mental health issues. I wanted to be someone who seemed perfect on the outside and wanted everyone to think I had my life 100% together. Over these last years, I have learned that no one is perfect and everyone has battles whether they are visible or invisible. I also have learned that my OCD doesn’t make me less of a person or unworthy of being successful. If anything OCD has taught me patience, empathy, and how to keep moving even when life feels like it is impossible. 

So if you’re reading this, please remember: your mental illness or mental struggle is not your full identity. It may shape parts of your journey, but it doesn’t get to write and control your whole story. You are more than your compulsions, you are more than your fears, you are more than the thoughts that try to tell you otherwise, and most importantly you are more than your disorder. No matter what you are diagnosed with,  you are still uniquely you even when you feel like that is not the case.

Anonymous, University of South Carolina

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