Anonymous

Photography by Isa Vivona

If you’re reading this, it’s ok if your gratitude is complicated.

Every year, the holidays invite us to practice joy and gratitude. It can be the most wonderful time of the year to reflect on what we’re thankful for in our lives and our relationships. Yet in the midst of the season, feelings of regret, sadness, grief, and loneliness can grow stronger. It’s easy to wish that certain things were different.  

At some point, we’ve all wished we could change things in our lives. I’ve looked at others and wanted the same things they have: their social circle, their nuclear family, their looks, their acceptance letter to a certain school or job, their support system, or their confidence.

I’ve compared myself to who I thought I’d be by now at a certain age or stage in my life. I’ve let nostalgia get the best of me and wanted to go back to the way things were. I’ve wanted a do-over, replayed moments in my head and imagined how they could’ve panned out differently, and wished I’d known what I know now and could start over.

We all share in struggling with those thoughts sometimes, and that doesn’t mean we’re always being ungrateful–it just means we’re human.

Sometimes I do have to remind myself not to let those thoughts cloud my mind. I imagine holding them in one hand and gratitude in the other, thinking about all of the little and big things, people and memories, and good and bad days that I’m thankful for. 

You can miss people or moments that are gone and still notice the good around you. You can dream of wanting to do more in your life, but still be thankful for where you are now. You can grieve the things that didn’t work out, but appreciate how far you’ve come.

So if you’re reading this during the holidays, try to stop and appreciate what you do have, but remember that there’s room for all your feelings at the same time. 

Anonymous, Northwestern University

Connect With Us

To follow IfYoureReadingThis at Northwestern on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Northwestern students, visit our chapter’s homepage.

AUTHOR CONTACT

This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.