Fiona S.
Photograph Courtesy of Fiona S.
Please note: Before reading this letter, we'd like for you to know it discusses Fiona’s experience with suicidal ideation. If you think that reading about this will be distressing for you, we encourage you to take a pause before reading this letter, center yourself, and prepare any resources you may need to access after reading it. If you'd rather not read this letter, you can read a letter on a different topic by returning to the Boston College home page.
If you’re reading this, know there is a whole world waiting for you ahead and a future where everything doesn’t feel as dark.
Below is a poem I wrote titled “Up High,” written during a difficult time in my life.
“Up High”
Climbing to the top of the mountain
to see if being so high
allows just a single breath,
a sigh.
Through the clouds we go
flow and flow and flow
how does it go?
up and down / left or right
North or South / out of my mouth?
Now we know,
Up instead of down doesn't mean
That's right instead of left.
Chew, spit, swallow;
feeling now so shallow,
Higher and farther and deeper,
seems to make sense
until you reach the spot
now just to be further and farther
away from the world
and learn that isn't the way to make
much of a difference.
—
Written during a time of turmoil in my life and when I was unsure where I was going, I look back at this poem often. While I have come to the realization that everyone is a little unsure of where they are going, this poem reminds me of how far I’ve come. Poetry is a soothing practice and outlet for me as I can sometimes struggle to articulate the way I feel.
I wrote about feeling far away and looking down onto the world, finally reaching that point where we realize that being far and further from connection, from our troubles, realizing escaping into a new realm may not be the way to deal with everything we have going on.
Sometimes we need that escape, though. And that’s okay. But when we go too far away from what matters, we can begin to forget who we are and the support we have in our lives.
During National Suicide Prevention Month 2025, I decided to post this poem in hopes it can reach someone. Sometimes what we need is just something small to grasp and hold onto. A little piece of hope that things can get better.
When we move higher and farther and deeper and seek that breath and single sigh, I hope we still can come back to ourselves and come down on the other side of that mountain, knowing that there is a whole world waiting for us on that other side.
Fiona S., Boston College
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