Cathleen R.

Photography by Ashley Kung

If you’re reading this, thank you for everything.

I first came across this organization in the fall semester of my junior year when a friend from high school posted about it on their story. At the time, I was mentally going through one of the worst times in my life and no one knew about it. I had no idea how badly I needed to find IfYoureReadingThis.

My junior year of college was my hardest. While it was filled with incredible memories like studying abroad, leaving the country for the first time, football games, and tailgates, I was struggling more than I ever let on. After completing Organic Chemistry 2 my sophomore year, and not performing as well as I wanted to, I struggled to believe I would be able to continue getting the grades I hoped to achieve. My class schedule for my junior fall was hard, and everyone around me constantly warned me that it was too hard and I was setting myself up for failure. Most of my brain believed them, I thought this would be the end of my academic excellence, that I ruined my chance at being a doctor.

During this time, I was also dealing with the worst acne I had ever had. Like most teenagers, I have had acne since I was about 13. Most of the time, there were a few pimples here and there. While I didn’t love it, it didn’t bother me too much. However, as soon as I left for my study abroad experience, my acne exploded into painful cystic breakouts all over my face. I was embarrassed and felt dirty, like my acne was a reflection of how I took care of myself. I also felt so ugly, terrified to take pictures and post them. Being abroad for the first time, all I wanted to do was share my experience on Instagram for my friends back home to see, but I was embarrassed to show my face. 

The combination of academic stress and horrible acne led to a vicious cycle of comparison. I lived my life comparing myself to others, always thinking people were prettier than I was because they had clear skin or someone was smarter than me because they did better on an exam. I attributed all of my previous academic success to pure luck and convinced myself I did not actually earn any of it. During this time, I wanted so badly to reach out to someone for help. Even though I had close friends and family, I was embarrassed to talk about how I was feeling. Because I convinced myself I was worse than everyone around me, I also convinced myself I was not worthy of their support.

This is when IfYoureReadingThis came into my life. Seemingly at the perfect time, like magic, IYRT came across my feed at a time when I so desperately needed a support system but didn’t know how to ask, or who to ask. Even though I was still in a dark place myself, I knew I wanted to try and bring this organization to UF. If I was struggling, I knew others had to be as well and I did not want any other person to go through the mental turmoil I was experiencing. 

IYRT has shown that not only is it okay to ask for help, but it is essential to our success as students. There is so much noise about who is better, smarter, prettier, funnier, etc. at college. It is so easy to be swept up into the constant cycle of comparison as a student. Through IYRT I have learned that everyone is dealing with their own problems, whether or not it seems like it. Reading each and every letter that gets submitted to us has brought me so much solace, seeing how much people struggle internally, forming their own community to help bring them out of dark places, and being courageous enough to share their story with IYRT.

This past year with IYRT, I have been a witness to vulnerability and generosity of the UF and Gainesville community. This experience has continued to emphasize the importance of empathy in our relationships. IYRT highlights the struggles of all types of people from undergraduate freshman to doctors, reminding me that not only am I not alone but so many other people need my kindness and understanding. I strive everyday to first and foremost be kind in every interaction I have as you truly have no idea what people are going through. I also strive to end the cycle of comparison, the well known quote that reads “comparison is the thief of joy” is one of the truest things I have ever heard. You are beautiful, smart, and worthy. If nothing else, I hope IYRT continues to be a beacon of support for UF, giving people like my junior year self, the reminder that they are never alone and they can always reach out for help.

While I may be stepping down as president, IYRT will always hold a special place in my heart. I never want anyone at UF or elsewhere to struggle in silence. I ended up proving to myself that I was capable of achieving academic success and thanks to accutane, my skin got better. I still carry the scars of these experiences, so no matter how many years pass from this letter being posted, please know you can reach out even if I have no idea who you are. And please, show yourself and others the kindness you deserve.

I am writing this on the day of my graduation, and so as I say goodbye to UF, I also say goodbye to IYRT. This organization has brought me so much growth and I cannot thank all of the letter writers and leadership enough for the beautiful community you have built on our little corner of the internet.

With so much love

Cathleen R., University of Florida

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To follow IfYoureReadingThis at UF on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to UF students, visit our chapter’s homepage.

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