Kaitlin D.

Photo provided by Kaitlin D.

If you are reading this, know that you can make mistakes and still be loved.

At an early age, I learned how to be independent, disciplined, focused and determined - a  great foundation of characteristics that an athlete can have. I know this because I was praised for it every day from the closest people in my life, to the strangers who only knew me from my sport. When people see you as this independent, disciplined, focused, and determined person, people think that you have your life figured out. How can they not? Someone who is composed of all of those characteristics just seems like they don't have much room for being less than perfect. At least, that's what I tell myself every day.

I’ve chased perfection since I was a child. As a gymnast, I am given a number based on my performance that is also judged on a scale of perfection. The numbers dictate how close those in my sport are to being perfect, and some can say that they achieved it - I can't.

I felt that my worth and my value were  tied to those numbers. So much so that it started to bleed into other aspects in my life. I thought that if I couldn’t be perfect in one major area of my life, I could be the other. So then started my strive to be perfect in school. What could go wrong?
I went from letting a number define my worth, to a letter.
How fun that transition was.

The truth is, I only believed my life had value when I was perfect. And with that came the condemnation of mistakes. I was already making mistakes in my sports; I forced myself to believe that I couldn't make anymore. I manipulated myself into thinking people wouldn’t love me because of my mistakes, no matter how big or small they were. This kind of thinking, believing, and living drained me mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I allowed myself to think that I was worthless every time I didn't get an ‘A’ on an assignment. I allowed myself to think that people would have a harder time loving me with all of the mistakes I was making. I allowed myself to be defined by a letter.

Perfection felt like a check-list on a piece of paper and I didnt have a pen to check the boxes.
That was until I met a group of people who made me feel loved and cared for despite my mistakes. They have taught me that making mistakes does not define my worth or value; rather, it allows me to be human. Mistakes demonstrate that there is room for improvement and development. It transcends numbers and letters.

With this, I want you to remind you that we are all human and we all make mistakes; but don’t let those mistakes define you because you are loved and there is so much more to who you are than a number, a letter, or whatever it is that you feel defines you. Find people who show you that they will support you no matter what, and know that you can and will go far only when you allow yourself to go at a speed that feels comfortable to you and when you allow yourself to keep going!

Kaitlin D, Clemson University

Clemson Gymnastics

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