Nina G.
Photography by Julia Nichols
If you’re reading this, you’re allowed to struggle.
My life is seemingly pretty good. I have a family that supports me unconditionally and can afford to send me to a top college, supportive friends, good(ish) grades, and am generally physically healthy. I’ve never been through anything traumatic or faced a terrible incident. Despite all of that, I’ve struggled with my mental health most of my life, seemingly for no explicit reason.
When I got to college, I found the adjustment harder than most. I still don’t really know why. I’ve been a pretty anxious person most of my life, and the anxiety of a new place, new rules, and new expectations led me to spiral. Nothing specific ever happened to me, at least nothing that would justify a mental health crisis.
Somehow, life was just hard, and I wasn’t keeping up with it. I started seeing a therapist, then a psychiatrist, regularly, but I still couldn’t knock how empty I felt every single day. I never had anything particularly unique happen to me that I could use as a reason for why I always felt so horrible; my life was pretty similar to everyone else’s and I didn’t know why I was tripping over the obstacles that everyone else was able to overcome. I used to joke that it was just NU's orgo sequence that landed me on an antidepressant. My mental health got progressively worse despite whatever attempts I made, and this past winter quarter I ended up in the emergency room because of a mental health crisis. Again, my life seemed fine. Nothing that would justify the poor state of my well-being.
Luckily I was able to do a partial hospitalization program instead of being fully institutionalized. I did 5 hours of group therapy a day, 5 days a week. I met with an individual therapist, psychiatrist, and nurse multiple times a week. Every aspect of my mental health was put at the forefront of my mind and meticulously analyzed. As time-consuming and exhausting as the whole process was, having multiple professionals teach me how to take care of my brain was actually pretty helpful. I learned to view mental health similarly to physical health: your brain is a muscle that you need to exercise and take care of just like any other part of your body.
Not everyone has the time, money, or energy for the resources I was able to access. But that program has changed much of the way I treat my mental health, even more than seeing an outpatient therapist has ever been able to. Here are some things I learned in the partial hospitalization program:
1) Everyone is struggling with something. Literally everyone you can think of. Some of the people I’ve met in group therapy include: high school math teachers, recent college graduates, recent divorcees and recent fiancees, kindergarten teachers, people in training to be therapists, parents of toddlers and parents of college-aged children, people in polyamorous relationships, employees at consulting firms in Chicago, and multiple grandparents.
2) Mental health maintenance is essential for every person to live. Effort needs to be put into it the same way people work out to maintain their physical health. It doesn’t discriminate by situation. People suffer because they exist, not because of the state of
their lives.
3) Becoming an adult, being successful, or achieving your goals will not make you magically happy and fulfilled or fix your mental health.
4) Don’t underestimate the importance of maintaining your physical health: eat multiple meals a day, drink water, get enough sleep, move your body throughout the day, and listen to your doctor.
5) If you feel something, tell someone. Seriously. Telling someone how you feel, regardless of if it is a result of their actions or if it is a good or bad emotion, goes a long way.
6) Gratitude journaling sounds stupid but it seriously works and its benefits are pretty thoroughly researched. Thinking about things that bring you joy will put you in a good mood.
7) Everyone is an extrovert. People who prefer to be alone do so because they are anxious or other people scare them, but people are naturally social creatures. Everyone needs to spend time with (good) people in order to consistently feel satisfied, and everyone loves having others around to support them.
8) Synthetic joy is still joy. There is nothing wrong with putting work into being happy or being fulfilled. In fact, being happy because of what you have done for yourself as opposed to what others have done for you is much more sustainable long-term.
No one’s life is perfect. But you don’t need something to blame for that to be the case. You are justified in suffering just because you are human. Also, professional help is useful for everyone, regardless of if they are diagnosed with something or not. I don't know anyone who wouldn’t benefit from seeing a therapist. If you think you might need help, you deserve to admit that to yourself. I know it's not easy. If you’ve come to terms with the fact that you are unhappy with your life, I’m proud of you.
If you’re reading this, you’re allowed to struggle.
Nina G., Northwestern University
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