Meghan C.
Photography by Ella O’Kelly-Lynch
Please Note: In this letter (in light of eating disorder awareness week), I discuss my experience with an eating disorder. If you think you may find this content triggering, I encourage you to read one of the other letters on IfYoureReadingThis.org, or prepare to access any support systems or resources you find helpful.
If you are reading this, you will recover.
You have the strength to overcome disordered eating. People may have their opinions, people may not understand, but you have the strength to block them out. Your health comes first. You deserve to eat, to live and love in health.
I will not pretend to know every person’s relationship with food and their bodies, but I will share my story. I hope that someone will feel seen in these words.
It happened ever so gradually. I was afraid to eat for a multitude of reasons. The signs were there. My parents knew.
When the doctor told me that I had Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, I almost laughed. I was convinced it wasn’t a real diagnosis. I wanted to live in denial. I thought I would never find my way back.
I slowly began to make progress, though there were times where my journey felt pointless. Family members, mentors, and strangers lamented that weight was so easy to gain and so hard to lose. They wished they had my problem. As if it wasn’t something that was difficult. As if it wasn’t something that consumed my thoughts. People told me that my body was beautiful as it was. I would bite back my tears and wonder why I was hearing one thing from these people and being told another by my care team. All I could think was, What is wrong with me?
But it did end. And I discovered that there was nothing wrong with me. I just happened to be straddling the line between what our society believes to be healthy and what was actually healthy for me.
When you are recovering from an eating disorder, people will make what they think are mundane comments. These comments may sting. They may make you question yourself. But know that you are so much greater than what people think they see. You are braver than they will ever know.
If you are reading this, there is nothing wrong with you. Food can be scary. People can be wrong. You do not have to feel guilty for struggling with eating. Sometimes, it can be difficult to accept what is happening, but give yourself the time and grace to understand.
Eating is extremely personal. It is an intimate and complex bodily function, employing millions of cells to draw out vital energy from the food we consume. Eating is also incredibly variable based on circumstance. I do not know what you may endure, what you may feel. But I promise to be there with you, cheering you on.
If you are reading this, you will recover.
Meghan C., Boston College
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