Kapil N.
Photography by Ally Szabo
If you’re reading this, what do you see? Will you see that I am a licensed professional counselor with a forte in substance use disorder treatment? Will you see that I worked within the field in various non-profit and for-profit treatment settings? Will you see that I have endured a grand jury investigation in the tri-state area rippling into various parts of the country including New Jersey and Florida? Will you sense the eternal flame that I hold for patient advocacy, and social justice, to hold corrupt, fraudulent treatment facilities accountable? Can you sense my insatiable desire to participate in advocacy with those that came before me?
Or - will you see that I was bullied throughout my entire middle and high school career? Would you understand that I was jumped and physically beaten down in a bathroom by varsity basketball team members? Will you see that I have endured racism post-9/11? Can you see from the look of me, what being interrogated by the FBI upon returning from a family trip to India did to me? Can you notice that the field has shunned me? Can you see my anxiety, my fear, my concern for my family’s safety?
The illusion of self in this day in age is a manifestation of our social appearance – how we wish to portray our success or our happiness versus our internal struggles. Bruce Hood cites that “our sense of self is similarly a hallucination created through the combination of parts. We perceive the self as a result of different regions in our brain trying to combine our experiences, thoughts, and behaviors into a narrative, and in this sense the self is artificial.”
Throughout our journey, as you face highs and lows, I share with you this juxtaposition to serve as a model in attempts to normalize. However “put together” one may appear, we all have our struggles.
My offering for anyone reading this – be foolishly relentless. I echo my bloodline in sharing a Punjabi term: ਚੜ੍ਹਦੀ ਕਲਾ (caṛhadī kalā or Charhdi Kala). Which means "to maintain a mental state of eternal optimism and joy throughout the ups and downs of life. To exist in a state of mind in which a person has no negative emotions like fear, jealousy, or enmity. Instead, the mind has positive feelings including joy, satisfaction, and self-dignity."
Kapil Nayar, Staff Counselor
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