Eleanor S.
Photography by Esha Ramjee
If you’re reading this, there is courage in vulnerability.
When I first heard about If You’re Reading This and one of its chapters coming to Vanderbilt, I felt like it was a sign.
Three years ago, I was your typical excited freshman: excited to meet new people, find my home away from home, and experience the “best year of your life,” as people said. But as time passed, I couldn’t help but feel like I was doing something wrong. I felt like everywhere I looked, everyone around me somehow had both a booming social life, was a part of all the student orgs, and had perfect grades. I guess you could say it's all part of the work hard, play hard culture. But through conversations with peers, I eventually discovered that (spoiler alert) people were going through their own struggles at Vanderbilt, even with the same things I did, but you just never would have guessed it. Part of me felt relieved that I wasn’t alone, but part of me also felt frustrated. Why does no one ever talk about it? How many people on this campus felt as alone as I did, and how many of them felt like they couldn’t talk to anyone about it?
Ever since middle school, I have been so passionate about mental health. Through watching my loved ones go through some of their darkest times, it made me realize that being present for someone in the simplest of ways goes the extra mile that people often assume don’t count. My passion for mental health, as well as my freshman year experience, fuelled me to join the If You’re Reading This chapter here to be part of a presence that people can rely on when they might be struggling. So then came the time to write this very letter. I knew I wanted to write one for weeks, yet every time I opened my laptop, I just found myself staring at a blank document. For someone who thought she had so much to say, I had no idea what to write about. Every idea that came into my head, I quickly cringed at myself: no, that’s too personal, too vulnerable; I can’t write about that.
But then it hit me: I too, was a part of the problem. The problem that I have been rambling on about this whole time, the problem of not feeling brave enough to be vulnerable. Somewhere along the way, I too, had fallen into that mindset that I had to present my life here as a highlight reel, because letting people in would mean that I would be revealing that I wasn’t as “perfect” as everybody else. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that vulnerability doesn’t necessarily mean having to share your deepest, darkest secret or all your insecurities with the world; it starts with the willingness to let people in, to be present with them however that may be.
So, if you’re reading this, know that there is courage in being vulnerable, not weakness, and eventually, you will realize that you are truly never alone.
Eleanor S., Vanderbilt University
Vanderbilt University Chapter Co-President
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To follow IfYoureReadingThis at Vanderbilt on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Vanderbilt students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
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