Sarah A.
Photography by Ashley Kung
If you’re reading this, know that you will be okay.
A month ago today, my three year relationship came to an end. For the first time since I was sixteen, I truly felt like I was on my own. Waking up and having to remember my reality was hard. I had to stop myself from texting my (now) ex “good morning” out of habit. Luckily, I live in a sorority house full of other women who shot me a smile in the bathroom as we brushed our teeth and texted me asking when I would be at house meals. These women reminded me that I wasn’t alone.
On my bad days (and don’t get me wrong, there have been many), it was easy to focus on the pain I was feeling. Looking back, it’s clear to me that I would’ve done anything to feel better. I listened to bad advice. I made many mistakes, fueled by hurt and confusion. I had no idea what my future looked like now that I no longer had the person I thought I would build it around.
Creating healthy habits for myself was the most helpful thing I have done. I’ve noticed the more consistent I am, the better I feel. My first rule was getting ready every morning–putting on a cute outfit, some makeup, and putting curl-friendly products in my hair instead of using heat. At first, I just wanted to look a little better than I felt, but I quickly found that if I felt like I looked good, I felt a little better.
I also started going to the gym five days a week. I told my friend about my plan, and she wanted to come with me! We woke up early every day and started off our mornings at Southwest. I enjoyed the company and even started to enjoy the workout. I felt so good about myself every time I left–like I’d accomplished something big before lunch.
Plus, I asked for help when I needed it. I texted my Big through some of my worst moments and sat in her apartment as I cried about what I thought was the end of the world. I scheduled an emergency appointment with my old therapist, and she squeezed me in as fast as she could. I asked my sister to come visit me, and she moved her debate tournament (and my mom took off work) to drive up five hours and stay with me for the weekend. Seeing all of the people who care about me and the amount of love I was surrounded by was, and still is, extremely impactful.
While three years of history can’t be forgotten in one short month, I can say that the pain is less today than it was thirty days ago. I have learned so much about the person I want to be moving forward with my life. For someone who doesn’t love change, transitional periods suck. But they are incredibly important. If nothing changes, nothing will ever change. Despite how scary it is to look toward my uncertain future, that is what makes it equally as exciting.
If you’re reading this, I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to not have it all figured out. It’s okay to feel a complicated mix of strong emotions. It’s okay to make mistakes, that is the only way you’re ever going to learn. Most of all, it’s okay when things don’t go according to plan. Change can be scary, but it can also be beautiful… for me, it’s been both.
Sarah A., University of Florida
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at UF on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to UF students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
AUTHOR CONTACT
This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.
