Sarah A.
Photography by David Lee
If you’re reading this,
College doesn’t have to be the best four years of your life.
There is no one “right” way to do college.
Don’t believe the narrative everyone blindly accepts-
“College is the peak of your life.
Everything from there is downhill.”
As a senior finishing my last semester at BC, I subscribed to this belief for most of the past four years. COVID-19 merely exacerbated it as I felt pressured to make up for the year I essentially lost. Newton campus was not the ideal backdrop during a global pandemic. Let’s just say my freshman year was less than stellar. It certainly didn’t replicate the endless world of opportunities I’d seen depicted in popular movies and TV shows. This “world of opportunities” was confined to my double on a freshman-only campus with three dorm buildings and a dining hall. Thank goodness I was ‘allowed’ to bring one guest into my dorm room… Who cared about the classic ‘open-door policy’? I was sorely disappointed if you can’t tell from my tone of speech. For a while, I blamed the entirety of this depressing year on COVID. I reasoned that, in other circumstances, I would have had my perfect college experience.
Thus, when restrictions slightly lifted the following year, I resolved to start over. Trying to fill my schedule to the brim the following year didn’t compensate for this gap. I felt like I was falling further and further behind in fulfilling my college expectations. Despite declaring my major at the end of my sophomore year, I was increasingly unsure of who I was supposed to be. Each day consisted of going through the motions of a ‘typical’ college student. Studying, clubs, lunches, going out on the weekends. Yet, it didn’t seem like I was truly fulfilled by any of it. This is not to say that I was completely numb to all these experiences. Instead, they felt like something I had to do rather than wanted to do. I spent each day feeling guilty for not being happy enough. I failed to be present to appreciate each moment.
By junior year, I was somewhat ready to graduate. I had grown to accept that college would not be the peak of my life. At best, it would be a blip in my timeline. I refused to believe that this would be the height. It wasn’t until senior year that I truly began to appreciate The Heights. Maybe there are multiple heights- in and after college. Reflecting on my BC experience, I am incredibly grateful. But it is not the end all be all. Life does not have to be relentlessly mundane after college like some expect it to be. With the right mindset, any stage of life can be sensational. Four meaningful years at ages 18-22 do not define anyone. Many people have incredible lives without college whatsoever. Others could not imagine their journey without it.
I have accepted there are some ways where my college experience was lacking. I still have so many questions. I don’t know exactly who I am. I’m aware that I change how I act around different people. I don’t know how these different sides of myself merge as one. I don’t know which one is my ‘true’ self. I haven’t figured out how to stop obsessing over what others think of me. I haven’t gotten better at managing my anxiety and OCD. And I’m starting to realize that college isn’t the only time I can. Self-discovery isn’t a checkpoint that I can check off and move on. It is a ceaseless process that will never end.
With this being said, college has still been incredibly transformative. And I’m finally starting to appreciate the beautiful moments I did have. I have now joined other BC seniors in the countdown to graduation. I have never felt more sorrow for what I am leaving behind. However, now it is not because of how I should feel. Letting go of these expectations was the key to fully embracing the remainder of my college experience- both good and bad. It has allowed me to appreciate every seemingly insignificant moment.
Every person on this campus has something beautiful to offer the world, and this doesn’t abruptly stop after graduation. Yes, these four years have been like no other. Our years leading out of college will also be like no other. It is an uncertainty we should all be looking forward to. College could be a peak of your life, but there are so many more peaks to come. After all, any roller coaster worth riding is relentlessly unpredictable.
Sarah A., Boston College
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