Michael S.
Photograph provided by Michael S.
If you’re reading this, you can speak up.
In the fall of my senior year of high school, I was driving home from swim practice when I accidentally hit a small bump in the road. I looped back around to check to make sure I didn’t hit anything, and sure enough the street was clear.
The next day, I was driving the same route back from practice and saw the bump again. I carefully avoided it and continued home, but before I could get out of my car, I stopped. A voice in the back of my head told me to drive back to the site of the bump to make sure I didn’t hit anything. So I drove back, and the street was empty.
The day after, I arrived at my house after practice and the voice was back. I drove back to the bump in the road and saw nothing. I came back to my house, but the voice was still there. I drove back. Again, nothing. I drove back and forth between my house and the bump fifteen times before the voice went away. This continued for about three weeks.
I didn’t know what was going on, so I decided to see a psychologist. She diagnosed me with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. OCD varies by person, but mine took the form of a tiny voice in my head that told me to do certain things. If I didn’t listen, I felt like something bad was going to happen to me.
My OCD grew worse after I became aware of it. I felt like my life was being controlled by it. I started to do things in multiples of the number four. I would lock my door four times, tap my pencil four times, and even engage with a thought four times before I felt satisfied. I started pulling out my hair and scratching my skin uncontrollably. If I didn’t do these compulsions, that voice in my head told me that something very bad was going to happen. My mental state crumbled, and I began having panic attacks every night. After a few months, I enrolled in Exposure and Response Prevention therapy and began my road to recovery.
Today, I am healthier.
Today, I feel lighter.
Today, I have learned to manage my mental health, and it’s because I spoke up.
So many people suffer from mental health-related issues, but hide their pain from the outside. You may not be able to physically see their scars, but they’re there. These sufferers may be on the brink of mental collapse, yet go about their daily life with a forced smile to hide their pain and trauma.
If you are one of these people,
Don’t be afraid to tell someone that you are hurting
Don’t blame yourself for scars that you did not earn
Don’t feel like your feelings are invalid
Speak up, and get the help you need
These are the two most important things I have learned in my journey with mental health:
1. Learn to be okay with uncertainty - You may not know when things are going to get better, and that’s okay. Take your life day by day and celebrate small victories.
2. Refrain from comparing yourself to others or your past self - Everyone lives on their own timeline. Everyone deals with obstacles at different points in their path. Be kind to yourself.
We are all human. We experience unexpected hardships. We lose people we love. We shatter relationships with friends. We battle with body image. We struggle with sexual orientation. We fight our own thoughts. We accumulate emotional baggage, and we need an outlet to enable our minds to heal.
Battling mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is not a battle that should be fought alone. If you are suffering, reach out to someone, whether that be a close friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about your struggles with those you trust will allow you to rid your mind of negativity and will help build a support system.
Embrace yourself, your scars included.
You are here for a reason.
You are worthy of self-love.
Michael S., Georgia Tech
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