Madeline C.

If you’re reading this, you are not “unnormal.”

Moving out of my home in Virginia to come to Pennsylvania to attend Villanova has been one of the hardest challenges I have had to face. When I first arrived on campus, my mind and body disconnected. I felt as if I had lost all control and my mind was in one place while my body was doing something completely different. The anxiety that had always been in the back of my mind came roaring to the front and I felt as if it had completely overtaken my entire being.

I felt like I was alone. I felt like I would never get this control back and that I would lose all of my friendships and my family members. I felt that no one could love a person who was so “abnormal.” In my mind, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I would sit and wonder what it was like to “be okay” and would yearn to be that girl again. 

During this dark time, I coped with all of this change negatively by shoving it all down and pretending that I was okay. Constantly putting up a front so that people would not realize what was truly going on. As time went on, people in my life started to realize that I was not okay – that I needed help but that I was too stubborn to ask for it. As I was feeling feelings of hopelessness, they were standing by me, showing me that I was not alone and that no matter how far I pushed them away, they would continue to show up for me. They helped me understand that my anxiety does not define me and that I can find a way to become the girl that was okay again.  

 Everybody has their own struggles. Life weathers all people in different ways. We are all put here on this Earth trying to figure ourselves out, trying to mend the breaks in our souls, and trying to deal with what is heavy within us.  

Our struggles all look different and mine is my anxiety. Every day I have to make a conscious choice to keep fighting. I have to make sure that I do not let the thoughts creep into my head that lead me to isolate myself. I have to trust my support system. But I am thankful for these choices. I am thankful I found that light at the end of the tunnel and each day I am getting closer to becoming the girl that is okay. I am thankful for the people around me and that they consistently choose me and fight for me. Even when I feel my most alone, they are there to help me get back up again and to find my peace. 

 My anxiety is just the crack in my soul that I wake up every day to mend. Everyone has their own crack. So, if you’re reading this, you are not “unnormal.” You are not weak. There is a resounding level of courage to be found in being the person who continues to heal, even when it hurts. There is a resounding level of bravery to be found in the person who believes in the light, even when they cannot see it.

Madeline C., Villanova University

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