Kian R.
Photography by Aneesa Wermers
If you’re reading this, keep your head high.
Once I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder, my ability to hear and feel God’s direct presence made sense. Naturally, these psychotic episodes and going to a mental health institution for rehabilitation isolated me from my friends. I felt like none of my friends understood the manic euphoria and depression I was facing. My faith helped me forgive them, but feeling ostracized wasn’t easy. I felt like a lesser human than those friends I once had freshman year of college and everyone else my age. I kept thinking that there was a problem with me, that I was the issue and deserved to be excluded from social life at Boston College. The schizophrenic tendencies within my Bipolar 1 coming in the form of voices speaking harshly to me about my insecurities was not only frightening but a further blow to my self-esteem. It was hard to be awake, so I slept as much as humanly possible. I was numbing my problems as much as possible instead of fighting them, I had surrendered.
Although I do implore everyone to fight for your mental well-being, know that sometimes you need to feel the emotions and despair to understand that one day that state will pass, because it always does. But in the meantime, go buy your favorite Starbucks drink, go find an organization to pour even an ounce of your heart into, and talk to loved ones. Be active in making yourself as comfortable as possible and remember your feelings are valid even if they are not conventional.
Mental health issues, disorders, or episodes are nothing to be ashamed of. All that this part of your journey means is that you are experiencing a plight of adversity that many have gone through. Not only have you survived an odyssey of turmoil but you have likely gathered broader and stronger empathy for all peoples’ situations. That understanding and compassion for others that forms from you yourself experiencing hell is fundamental to humanity. It helps you appreciate every person individually and to push yourself to make sure that no friend is left in the pits of Tartarus.
Do well and keep pushing and know I am here for you too. If you’re reading this, keep your head high.
Kian R., Boston College
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