Julia M.

Photography by Mason Schlopy

If you’re reading this, it’s okay to struggle within.

I have lived with my older sister for my entire life, yet I didn’t understand who she was until I turned fifteen. 

I knew at a young age that my sister Lily was going through something I was too young to comprehend.  I realize now that mental health isn’t something a parent can easily explain to an eight-year-old; that is probably why my mother used the term puberty to help express what my older sister was going through.  My sister began her struggle with puberty at fourteen.  I witnessed Lily’s emotions change from joy to fury in what felt like a second.

Then, in eighth grade, things began to change for me, as I began to see my sister in myself.  I started experiencing anxiety and stress like never before. Everyday activities were layered in if, and’s or but’s; only the worst could become of any situation. In freshman year, more challenges crept into my life.  I lost all motivation and spent more and more time alone, trapped in my room.  Depression was now a topic I had to discuss with my therapist as school was becoming something that I didn’t want to do anymore.  This humiliated me and only forced me to sink deeper into despair.  Once the pandemic hit, life became even more of a dread.  With all the time in the world at home, I managed to procrastinate.  I beat myself down for not being the “perfect student” and I never asked my parents for help.  I realized that puberty had finally taken me hostage along with my sister. 

Still, as a college student, I struggle with accepting that I am not perfect, and it is okay to not be okay. I ask for help, and I turn to the people who love me for comfort during hard times. My anxiety and depression will not define who I am or what I can/cannot do. I regularly have to check in with myself and ask “How are you actually doing?”, which allows me to look from the outside perspective, like I did my sister. 

You will change, and you will grow; throughout this process, understand that it is okay. It is okay to struggle, you will only become stronger in the end. 

Julia M., Syracuse University

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