Anne R.

Photography by Ally Szabo

If you're reading this, know that you can make mistakes; no one expects you to be perfect.

Growing up, I've always strived to be perfect. I've never wanted to make a mistake. I find myself constantly getting in my head and over-analyzing everything, letting my fears get the best of me. I've been scared to mess up because I don't want to upset anyone. I feared that if I made a mistake then my friends and family would get mad at me and I would lose the people I loved the most. However, you don’t ever need to be scared to mess up because you are perfect just the way you are.

Ever since I was younger, I was the cautious and fearful big sister. Yes, I definitely did also love bossing my brother around and forcing him to play dress up with me, but I never ever wanted to get in trouble. If I ever did, I would start crying and feel a bottomless pit form in my stomach. I didn’t want to let down the people who loved me. I didn’t think I could make mistakes.

This feeling kept with me into middle school and high school. If I ever did poorly on a test, I would feel like the wind was just knocked out of me as I feared to tell my parents when I got home. My parents always wanted me to try my hardest and do my best in school, but they cared the most that I tried. However, I would have a nervous breakdown and feel like I let both my parents and teachers down.

In college, I worried that anything I said could be misconstrued and somehow upset my friends. The last thing I want is for any of my friends or family to be upset because of me. I constantly would over-analyze conversations or just worry that if one of my friends seemed upset that it was because of me somehow. I found that worrying took away so much happiness and joy from my life and I had no idea what to do about it.

I felt like every second of every day I was always worrying about something, and I didn’t even realize it at first. I thought it was normal. Stress has become an everyday phrase, especially when talking about schoolwork, so I thought that everyone was experiencing my levels of anxiety. However, I came to realize that stress for most comes in waves, sometimes high levels of stress and sometimes none at all; however, for me, my stress never seemed to go away.

After 19 years of countless worrying, I've learned to let go. If you're reading this, you shouldn’t have to worry. Remind yourself to just breathe whenever you feel yourself getting anxious. Even if it is just taking the time to close your eyes and take five deep breaths, it helps immensely. Also, confide in your family and friends. College should be fun and happy so don’t let worry rob you of that. Even if you mess up, you are so loved.

Anne R., Villanova University

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